tenipuri_xp | Log: Atobe and Tezuka

Dated: Not long after Atobe's last post.
Rating: G
Summary: Atobe and Tezuka resolve a few things, reminisce over a photo and make plans for a fishing trip.

Atobe sat on the edge of his bed and frowned thoughtfully at the short note. It was Tezuka's neat and precise handwriting. His thumb traced over the cracked glass of the frame once more as lines creased his brow. Why had he dropped this stupid frame anyway, it was an honest mistake, but part of him wanted to go on hating Tezuka forever.

Well, no time for mourning (or dreading the fact the other would be here any time now.) Hurrying around to make sure things were back in order and neat, and his own appearance perfectly calm and settled, he sat back on the edge of the bed and picked up the silver framed image of himself and his former lover as friends.

He would never admit it, but Tezuka was dreading this meeting. There was a small part of him that had hoped Atobe would never find the letter, if only so he wouldn't have to face this conversation. But things never seemed to work out as he'd wanted them to, and there was a greater part of him that wanted to know whether Atobe was willing to give their relationship a third chance, no matter how long it took to get back to where it had been. Of course, it didn't really help that Atobe had wanted to discuss this on Brotherhood soil, considering the circumstances the last time he'd been there.

Unwilling to show that being here again was making him a little uncomfortable, Tezuka let his feet follow the still familiar corridors to Atobe's room. Pausing before the door he took a deep breath and knocked twice, waiting for a response before entering.

Putting the photo up on the desk and looking at the door, he restrained his powers to keep from feeling anything else yet. Just his own emotions, he was learning to sort from the other's. "Come in, Tezuka." He waited for him to come in, sitting with his knee crossed over his other and hands tented in his lap. Too late to go back now, they needed to decide whether or not to give them a second try. He waited for the other to come in and nodded for him to sit wherever he would be most comfortable. Chancing something unpleasant, he reached out with his powers, feeling Tezuka's apprehension and calming him by sharing the tiniest glimpse of his own discomfort.

Taking the seat at Atobe's desk, as he had the last time he'd visited, Tezuka waited patiently for Atobe to do something, to say something that gave any indication as to what he thought about the written apology. It came as something of a surprise that the first thing Atobe did was give Tezuka that small insight into how he was feeling, but it was something he welcomed too, the knowledge that he wasn't the only one nervous about this.

Meeting Atobe's eyes frankly after that discovery Tezuka decided that since he'd been the one to cause this rift between them, he should be the one to start here, though he couldn't think of much to say that would help the situation. Instead he settled for an inadequate, "You wanted to talk?"

Offering a smirk, he leaned forward and handed the other the note. "It appears you wanted to talk first." Resting his weight on his elbows he watched him calmly, keeping his icy blue eyes locked onto Tezuka's, ignoring the reflective glass shield. He was not going to tolerate being hurt again and needed to know for a fact that the apology was honest. Tezuka should have been thrilled just to have gotten a second chance, and now it seemed possible he might ask for a third one.

Taking the offered paper without even glancing at it - just how many times had he been over those words in his mind since writing them? - Tezuka nodded. If it was an apology Atobe wanted, then that's what he would get, but it was going to be difficult. Putting the words on paper, then leaving it somewhere it was unlikely to be found was easy, actually saying them aloud was infinitely harder. But for the sake of their friendship at the very least, he would try.

Closing his eyes briefly Tezuka tried to draw all his thoughts into order. He couldn't just repeat the words he'd written, it would come across as insincere for one, and didn't explain any of the reasoning behind his actions for another. But how could he explain something he didn't understand himself? Shaking his head ever so slightly Tezuka met Atobe's gaze once more, and just let the words come without any barriers for the first time.

"I was afraid. After what happened with Shishido I didn't think I could trust what I was feeling to be my own emotions. If your powers could make something like that happen how could I tell if you weren't unintentionally making me love you? I was afraid of what I may or may not have been feeling, that it wasn't really my own choice to be with you, so I pushed you away. I thought if I did that I could go back to how things were before you came back into my life and I could move on. But I was wrong. It didn't matter how long I was away from you, nothing changed. I still loved - no, I still love you.

"I was an idiot, Keigo, I'm well aware of that. And none of what I've said excuses the way I acted, but I'm sorry."

Watching Tezuka as he accepted the paper which was now slightly crumpled from his various attempts to throw it out and forget it, he sat back on the bed and listened to him, a little angered by what he was saying.

"And why would I have wasted my time forcing someone to love me, Kunimitsu? You think I would have gained some sort of satisfaction from doing something like that? What sort of bastard do you take me for? I loved you." It wasn't even fathomable that he would need to make someone feel for him, who wouldn't love him naturally?

"You should be." He was honestly not pouting…really.

"I know you Keigo, and I know you would never have done something like that through choice, even then I knew that. But I couldn't rule out the possibility that you didn't know you were doing it," Tezuka knew Atobe wouldn't be happy to hear he'd been doubting his control, but it was better to be honest here, and just hope that was enough.

"You just don't have any faith in anything about me. It's about the featherbrain too, isn't it?" Standing and crossing his arms firmly over his chest, he tilted his head. "Well now you know." He was glaring slightly now, his pride still stinging from that blow. "Apology accepted, but I'm still insulted that you would doubt me."

"Can you honestly say you have complete control of your powers?" Tezuka asked calmly, seemingly unperturbed by Atobe's reaction, but annoyed with himself for not finding a better way to say what he had. "And this has nothing to do with Shishido, this is about us."

"Almost if I'm not using them right now." He shot him a smirk, Atobe was finding this situation more and more amusing. He could use his powers, and easily against Tezuka making him leave for good if the need arose, but that was the exact opposite of what he wanted right now. "As far as I knew there was no us anymore."

And there was the heart of the matter. They weren't 'they' anymore, they were just Atobe and Tezuka with the ghosts of a relationship between them. And Tezuka was no closer to knowing whether that was what Atobe wanted or not. He'd said his piece, apologised for his mistakes and admitted that he was still in love with the empath, but that was all one-sided, was all him. It wasn't enough. He needed to know whether they could build anything from their past, or if everything was over for good. "At the moment, you're right. But in the future… perhaps?" The inflection to turn that last word into a question was barely there, but he trusted Atobe to notice it. If he didn't, or if he chose to ignore it, then Tezuka would have his answer anyway.

They hadn't been a couple now for a while, he blamed it partly on himself for arguing with Tezuka and for not trying to stop him when it happened. He was certain he still loved Tezuka, as the other loved him. But his pride had been dealt an awful blow. Licking his lips, he studied his normally stoic former lover, noticing a strand of his sandy hair was out of place and hanging over his forehead, how irritating. "Perhaps." He rubbed his arms and frowned thoughtfully, sitting on the bed again so he was at eye level with his ex-boyfriend. "If you want to- perhaps." That said, he gently reached over and pushed the hair back behind Tezuka's ear without a thought.

Leaning into Atobe's touch Tezuka decided that was enough for now. He wouldn't ask for anything more just yet, they still had quite a way to go before things got to where he could do that. But for the first time in too long he had hope they could actually get there.

Pulling his hand back with a slow motion, he settled it back in his lap and bit the inside of his mouth. They were at least on peaceful terms again, and as long as things went well, they might actually make it. But now, what to say? He'd never been completely at a loss for words before, it didn't suit him.

After letting the silence go on between them for a few more moments Tezuka wondered if there was anything more to say right now. There were too many things that could trivialise this moment, could bring them back to square one, but there wasn't going to be much progress if they couldn't have a normal conversation with each other.

Drawing back into his mind Tezuka let a stream of memories play across the inside of his mind, from the moment they met until now, trying to find something neutral to bring up. Instead all he managed to do was smile faintly in fondness for what he was seeing.

Atobe reached back over to the photo and passed it to Tezuka. "I finally recalled where this photo was from. It was summer, when your grandfather took us fishing." He pointed past the chipped glass carefully and smirked. "You can see the net and rods behind us, over your shoulder."

Leaning forward, taking hold of one edge of the frame but not removing it from Atobe's grasp, Tezuka studied the picture, "I remember. You spent most of the day sulking because you didn't catch anything," that had been a good day, one he'd thought he'd forgotten. Evidently not, though, if the startling clarity of the recalled memory was anything to go by.

"Only because the campers up the river were making noise and scaring the fish." And he was distracted enough to keep watching his friend instead of his line. Tezuka tended to stick out his lower lip just slightly when he concentrated on a task like that. Running his thumb over the cracked glass again, he smiled slightly. "And I still prefer fly fishing."

Shaking his head Tezuka chuckled faintly, "You're still making excuses." It felt good to finally be able to talk with Atobe like this again though, without having to worry about the state of their relationship. Things weren't perfect between them, not by any means, but with a sort of resolution it was easier to be comfortable now, and Tezuka had missed that more than he'd like to admit.

"There's nothing sportsmanly about chucking a worm in a body of water, at least fly fishing takes some grace." He was smiling at least, so it was mostly a well-pointed taunt and nothing more. Mimicking a good cast in fly-fishing quickly, he settled back on the bed, still basking in a feeling of relief. He'd missed being able to even talk to Tezuka.

"If you say so," Tezuka had managed to avoid rolling his eyes at Atobe, but he knew he'd probably sounded just a little patronising as he'd spoken. It was so easy to do though, in the face of Atobe's arrogance, that he'd never bothered to suppress it. "It was a good day, though."

Ignoring the tone he'd been submitted to on many a date, he smirked and put the photo back on his desk, flicking back his hair and settling comfortably again on the edge of the bed, "It was actually. Should do it again some time." Fishing. And maybe fishing with Tezuka. Maybe.

Watching Atobe, amused to see he hadn't lost his old habit, Tezuka nodded. He wouldn't say anything about it, not unless Atobe actually invited him along, so he'd settled with an action that could be read either way depending on what Atobe wanted to see.

Atobe looked at him again, tempted to try his powers out again, but refraining and instead trying to do this without any unfair advantages. "You can come along, if you want. Fishing alone isn't all that stimulating."

"I'd like that," It would be a good reason to spend time with Atobe away from any affiliations they both had, away from the drama both schools seemed to produce on a regular basis. Providing Hanamura gave him permission of course, he still wasn't sure how far his punishment for accompanying the girls on their unintentional revenge mission went.

"When it gets a bit warmer then. A weekend probably, we can use my family's cabin of course." And by cabin, he was referring to more of a resort than anything else. They even had servants and staff there, though he could dismiss them easily enough. If he was excited about this he was masking it very well. He pondered inviting someone else along in case things with Kunimitsu got awkward, but thought the better of it. "If you are still interested at that time."

"That sounds fine." Actually it was more than fine, but for the time being he would keep that to himself. And now that they'd settled things and made steps forward Tezuka was free to notice other things, like the fact he had training in a little under an hour, and was going to be late if he didn't leave soon. "If you let me know the exact dates when you have them I'll make sure to be free, but I have to leave now." He paused there for a few moments, getting to his feet as he decided whether to say anything more or not. "I'm glad we talked," he finally settled on.

"I will." He glanced at Tezuka and tilted his head as the other prepared to leave. "Me too, now get going. You know I can't stand people who are late for things, that includes you Kunimitsu." Rising and leading the other to the door, he smiled more visibly only after the other was gone. His chest was thudding excitedly. Things actually looked like they were back to going his way.