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tenipuri_xpForwarddated (gasp!): Earlyearlymorning, Saturday, 14 January 2006
Rating: PG for crazy.
Summary: Buntaette meets up with Kenta, they talk, unlock the past and give out piggy-back rides.
It was cold, really cold. There would probably be snow that morning, sometime in the earlier hours. But Kenta didn’t really care much. He couldn’t feel the cold--his body was shivering, covered by a thick jacket that should have been warm enough but wasn’t. But he couldn’t feel the cold.
His hood was up and he watched the rest of the playground from where he stood against the jungle gym, glaring out from under his bangs. He didn’t like having to wait, and he had been waiting for this meeting too long.
Kaede whispers echoed through his mind and he relaxed, just a touch. If Kaede was here, he could wait.
Slipping out from the warmth of Syuu’s arms and the bed, Bunta got dressed quietly, faux-fur coat over clothes not really suitable to cold weather but it didn’t matter, Kenta was waiting. Sneaking out wasn’t too hard and Syuu hopefully wouldn’t miss him that much, not being grounded made it all the more easier to leave the school behind.
Soon he arrived at the park, the only light coming from dim lamps that lit the winding path through the centre of it but it was enough to find his brother by, hopefully he wouldn’t mind that his older brother was his sister for the moment and with that thought, he came to a stop in front of Kenta (he has changed), offering a smile.
“Hey.”
"Hello." Kenta returned the smile, though coldly. He eyed his brother, who looked indeed just like a girl. In fact, he was a girl. Somehow, Kenta wasn’t too surprised. Kenta had never doubted that of all his family to do something strange, like turning into a girl or being kidnapped or leaving him behind, it would be Bunta. "Kaede says hello too."
That smile… Kenta wasn’t anything like he remembered, like before. Crazy and cold and… With his dead boyfriend in his head, huh. Family always said Bunta was the odd one out but it didn’t seem like he was alone in that anymore. But Kenta didn’t seem like the friendly sort of crazy, maybe he should’ve told Syuu where he was going.
“Course he does. How are you? And… Kaede?”
"Fine." Kenta took a few steps forward, pulling his hood back. His hair was pulled back in little pigtails, having gotten longer over the past few weeks and his cheeks were thinner. He had lost quite a bit of weight, but he himself didn’t notice it at all. "I've been training. The Brotherhood has been good to me. They've taught me lots of things. They keep telling me I have to be subtle, to be careful. I don’t think that's the right way to go about it." Kaede stirred and Kenta felt part of himself fight the coldness that had settled over him. He wanted to scream and yell and cry, but he just continued to smile. "And you, brother?"
Needs to eat more was Bunta’s immediate thought, the next was a brief urge to step back but this was his own brother. But it didn’t feel like it, his brother didn’t have dead eyes, didn’t feel this cold (evenwithpig-tails~).
“Brotherhood, forgot you were going there… The right way? And. What’ve they been teaching you? I’ve been. Training as well, nothing like what you’ve been learninganddoing, I doubt.”
"You went there for a time. Do you remember? No, you don’t..." His head tipped to the side and he blinked, once. "They've been teaching me how to get into someone’s mind without them noticing. How to get in and make them do something later, without me even having to be there. It takes too much work, though. If I'm going to kill someone, I'd rather just reach in and make them twitch for a while." Another blink, Kaede whispering something that he couldn’t quite catch. "What have you been learning, brother? Good things, I hope?"
Wouldn’t. Kenta wouldn’t do that to him but. The truth was staring him in the face. And he went there? What the hell. Syuu was lying, knew it but. Was all too confusing, hurt to think about, blank spot in his memories glaring at him every time he tried. And… His brother was a killer. That hurt almost as much, his little brother wasn’t the kind to take someone’s life. Wasn’t right. Even if he seemed crazy, cold... No, Bunta wasn’t about to believe.
“… Learning control, that’s good enough for me. Better then how to kill, at least.”
Kenta regarded him for a long moment before his eyes drifted inward and he frowned. Kaede told him not to ask, told him to let it go, save his brother the pain. But Kenta didn’t want to let it go--not when Bunta left him, alone and frightened with blood on his hands. Where was the blood on Bunta's? Why was he washed of his sins? "What did Fuji tell you? You don’t remember much, did you?"
Bunta almost didn’t want to learn what had happened now, seemed... Like something bad had happened. Maybe it was best that Syuu lied, best to have forgotten but curiosity was a traitorous thing.
“Didn’t tell me anything and no, I don’t. Doesn’t stop me from wanting to know though. But my brain doesn’t seem to like me enough to tell me about what happened.”
"I can fix that. I can open up all your memories, brother. You know that nothing is ever forgotten. Ever. I can show you." Kaede pulled and whispered and Kenta frowned, fingers twitching with the urge to latch onto something. "Even though you left me, alone. Utterly alone and never came for me and left me, I can give you back what you've lost. Give you back what people refuse to tell you. Everyone knows, Bunta. Everyone knows what happened. What we did."
“Left you? But I didn’t… What did I do? What happened. I don’t… I don’t understand, Kenta. I’d have never left you. If I ever had the choice, you know that. I would have come back but I don’t understand. What happened? Why would I ever leave you? And why…”
Why would everyone know but never tell, couldn’t be that bad. Bad enough to be forgotten even by those that remembered.
"I can show you. I can show you what they did to you. What they did to me. They hurt you, brother, and you cant even remember." If Kenta had his way, he'd hunt them both down and kill them. Kill them for hurting his brother and hurting him. Kill them for thinking they could wield control over something they had no concept of. But he couldn’t do that if Bunta didn’t remember. Kaede whispered again and he calmed down a touch, twisting hair between his fingers in mild irritation. It was too short to be kept from falling in his eyes. "Are they healthy? Your friends. Fuji, and Niou."
“Then show me. My friends though… Don’t. They wouldn’t hurt me, they’re fine. Don’t talk about them when this isn’t even about them.”
Reaching out, Bunta removed Kenta’s hand from his hair, smoothing it out of his face for him before looking him in the eyes. He wanted to know now, know what happened that Kenta seemed to think whoever they did. Wasn’t his fault he couldn’t remember but he wanted to now. Know the truth.
"Trust me, brother?" Without waiting for an answer, and ignoring Kaede's faint protest, Kenta reached out and slipped ghost fingers into Bunta's mind. He had always wanted to do it--always wanted to glide in and see just what was going on in that pink head of his. He was surprised by the damage, the unorganized feel to it all. Bunta's own mind was hiding him from the pain and the guilt. It was probably for the best.
Kenta closed his eyes to focus, feeling the locked doors of memories and places he would have to fight his way in. He wanted to do it all at once--at least spare him that much. "Can you feel it?"
Too late for a reply that would’ve been yes anyway, he felt Kenta reaching inside his mind, a cold touch and then. Felt strange, nothing like his power when he saw images in another brain but Kenta’s power was different, of course. Probably even operated in words, not all the pictures and images that made up Bunta’s. His own eyes drifted closed before he answered, waiting almost nervously (‘ceptthatBuntadidn’tdonervous~) for whatever it was that his brother was about to do.
“Yeah, go ‘head.”
It was difficult, taking hold of all the locks on all the doors of memory at the same time. But he could do it, frowning in concentration as he made sure he got each one. Some were stronger then others and he poured energy into his hold of Bunta's mind. He felt Kaede, resigning to lend a hand, holding tight the connection and lending him ghostly energy.
Suddenly aware of what he was about to do, Kenta opened his eyes, looking up with some guilt. "Sorry." he murmured before pulling hard, yanking free the veils and doors and locks that had hid Bunta's memories from him.
The anticipation and then… Flood of memories and ohgods. Hurt. Stumbling back, away from his brother, he fell, uneven surface tripping him. Landing on the wet grass, eyes still closed, it was too much. Hehadkilledandkilledandsomuch. Blood and violence and why. Severed limbs and somuchblood. He had done so much, killed so many and there was always… Every flash and every image, Kenta by his side. Promises of not leaving and he did. Why. It hurt, like there was no more air and this was all that was left in the world, forgotten memories that should have never been remembered.
"Don’t die, brother.." Kenta whispered as he kneeled down next to Bunta's legs, watching him with a bit of morbid curiosity and excitement. They couldn’t hide Bunta from him now--he remembered it all. He must have. They were reunited and Kenta wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. "You can’t run away from what you did. From what we did."
Opening his eyes, he blinked back tears (hormoneschangewhenyouareagirl, dammit~), fighting back the memories until they weren’t all-encompassing, the pain enough to speak without gritted teeth and the urge to throw up.
“Wouldn’t die, brother. And I won’t. We’ll pay, you know that, right? We killed- no. We tortured and murdered. I don’t… What did you do… Why- no. What did we do, why. I don’t understand. I don’t. Idon’t…”
Trailing off, Bunta turned to Kenta, glaring out of frustration that he couldn’t understand. Didn’t seem like anything they’d do but they did. How the hell was he meant to deal with all this.
"They killed Kaede. You killed them in revenge. We have to kill them all, don’t you understand? They hate us, Bunta. There’s no peace or happiness or anything because they hate us." Kenta glared back, feeling the tense energy of rage between his shoulders. How dare his brother act in such a way, when he had just as much blood staining his hands. "How can you trust anyone, Bunta, when they killed him. They'd kill us all if they got a chance."
Was becoming clear now, Kenta wasn’t the brother he knew anymore, more a lost cause. Sliding away from him on the grass, Bunta eyed him from a slight distance. Ignoring the mess that his head was, he responded slowly and carefully.
“No, what’s done is done. We’ve enough revenge to last lifetimes; no more blood needs to be spilt. Yes, they may hate us but not all of them do. If we start, we’ll get war, not peace. I can trust before I’ve friends. Friends that weren’t responsible for Kaede’s death. Not every human is, the ones that did are long dead already.”
"Peace? What peace? There is never peace. It's all a lie, so that you don’t have to look at the face of those who are dying every day. People die every day, Bunta. You and your precious lover can hide from that all you want, but its still a fact." He snorted, crossing his arms. Humans destroyed each other so easily, killing and torturing them without a care. At least when Kenta killed, it was faster. At least he took the blame for it, knew that when he looked into someone's dying eyes he could say--yes. I've killed you. Human's killed each other every day and looked the other way. "Humans are impure. Cruel. There is nothing that makes them worth saving. They've damned themselves to more hells that are imaginable."
Was there anything left in there that was worth reasoning with? Didn’t seem like it and Bunta hated. Hated the harsh reality of his brother not being saveable. Growing numb, Bunta wrapped his arms around himself, drawing away from Kenta and getting up off the ground.
“There will be peace when we learn to share. Not when we’ve killed them all. We’re just as impure and cruel as they are. We’ve certainly covered the cruel part. You and your precious voiceinyourhead can believe what you want. This isn’t hiding. You’re the one doing that.”
Something snapped. Something snapped and he couldn’t hear Kaede anymore--didn’t want to hear Kaede telling him to stop. He leapt to his feet, reaching out to plunge into Bunta's mind and latch on, just enough to keep him from moving. Holding just tight enough to keep him from moving. He always knew his brother had been too trusting, too open to those who could hurt him. Funny he now was the one in position to do just that.
"Don’t you dare speak of Kaede like that. Not until you understand what its like. Not until you know what his blood feels like in your hands. Do you want me to show you that pain, brother? Do you want to understand that? Because I can make it happen. I've always liked Fuji-san, but you will not speak of things you don’t understand."
No, nonono, just let me go. Wanted to leave but now he couldn’t and he didn’t trust his brother like he did before. Everything had changed now and all Bunta wanted to do want cry now, curl up and forgot everything all over again.
“Didn’t. Didn’t mean it and no. I don’t want to understand because I already do. Don’t need his blood on my hands because I wasn’t the one to kill him. Don’t need anymore of your pain. You make it happen and you are not my brother, Kenta. I liked Kaede. Like him being alive, being yours. But I don’t like it this way. And don’t you. Ever threaten Fuji.”
Kenta gasped, reeling backwards, releasing everything. You are not my brother. Those words echoed through his brain, and suddenly there was no Kaede, no nothing. Just Bunta standing there, hurt and betrayed and angry and Kenta couldn’t believe what he had just done. There was nothing but a deep, deep sorrow, something that hurt so much it almost choked the air from his lungs. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. He just stared, tears welling up in his eyes and falling as he struggled to find some measure of calm, something to ground him. But there was nothing. He was nothing. "I....I...."
That broke his resolve to leave, to not get close to whatever it was that Kenta seemed to now be. Tears started falling when he was released, moving toward instead of away now after anger and everything abandoned him at the site of his little brother looking so damn hurt. Wrapping his arms around Kenta, he hugged him close, sinking to the ground again and taking Kenta with him.
“Sorry, I’m so sorry. Shh~. We’ll work this out together, ‘kay? We’re famil-, no. We’re Marui’s, we can do anything together. And with Kaede as well, we’ll get through this, okay?”
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!!" Kenta wailed against Bunta's chest, everything feeling so wrong. He hadn’t come here to hurt his brother--he wanted to be with him, wanted not to be alone anymore. He couldn’t hear Kaede when it hurt so much, couldn’t be comforted by just a ghost when he knew his very soul was bleeding. Bleeding and bleeding and he could see the blood on his hands, as clearly as if Bunta had painted it there. "I'msosorry."
Bunta wasn’t going to leave him now, pulling him up into his lap, he hugged him tighter, not sure where they could go from here. He wouldn’t leave him, not again. Syuu would understand if he brought him back.
“We’ll go back to Ryuhana, okay? I’ve a spare bed and I’ll keep you company, ‘kay? Not leaving you again. I promise. Promise to Kaede and you. I’m sorry, I’msorry. I’ll make you something to eat when we get back, anything you want, ‘kay? Nevergonnaleaveyouagain.”
Ryuhana. Where he hadn’t wanted to go. But it wasn’t as though he had any friends back with the Brotherhood. He could be taught anywhere, if he even still needed teaching. If he never touched anyone again, if he kept it all away and just became a normal boy again, would things be better?
He couldn't, wouldn't let himself believe that. But he would go back. And maybe Kaede would come back, and Kenta would be with his brother. That was all that mattered. He couldn’t bear to lose anymore. "Okay..."
Brushing a kiss on Kenta’s forehead and wiping off his tears, Bunta helped them both up, still managing to remain attached somehow. Glad that his brother was coming with him, he could look after him now. Keep his promise and keep him safe, keep him close. Taking a deep breath, Bunta calmed down a little, he was the big brother (sisteratthemoment~), had to be less hysterical.
“Piggy-back ride for old-times sake or do you just wanna walk it?”
"You’re a girl, you can’t carry me." he murmured, finally taking a moment to boggle at the strange transformation. It didn’t matter too much, though. Bunta had always been rather squishy--now he just came with more curves. Which was equally disturbing and, somewhere back in his mind that he couldn’t yet reach, funny.
“Course I can, you’re still a munchkin~. <3”
Smiling at him, Bunta took his hand instead, tugging lightly until they started moving slowly in the right direction, Bunta wasn’t going to hurry them, could take as long as Kenta wanted.
“Can be male if you want me to be, just energy shifts, really. Trying this form out though, ‘s odd.”
"It doesn’t matter. Bunta is Bunta." He blinked, looking around as they walked, getting his bearings so he'd know how to get to Ryuhana and back. He knew he would be too restless to stay put for long. "How'd it happen?" His voice was soft, younger than it should be and he felt like a little boy again. Kenta had greatly missed holding someone's hand.
“Always. And Kenta is Kenta is my brother is a munchkin~.”
Shrugging at the question, he noted Kenta’s voice and he swung their joined hands in time with their steps. Thinking back on it how it did before just deciding, hell, why not tell. Kenta already knew how strange he was. <3
“I got a kimono for New Years and decided to be a proper girl for my date with Syuu- uh. Fuji and really, it was an accident. Mean to be an illusion but I ended up female.”
Kenta had spent New Years in his room, alone, thinking over memories of what he and Kaede had done previous years, and arguing over the details. But with morning came the horrible realization that he was alone, again. Sniffing slightly, he nodded, trying very hard not to think of Kaede and dates and the time he had been bullied into wearing a skirt and the wrestling match over the pictures. "Oh... It must be weird."
Tissues, there better be tissues at Ryuhana. Letting go of his hand, Bunta wrapped an arm around Kenta, comforting as best he could whilst walking. Hated to think what it’d be like to have Syuu die and to die like Kaede had. Must be utterly awful for Kenta. Yes, Bunta was upset over his death but he wasn’t as close, of course. Talking was distracting so Bunta got babbling.
“Mmm-hmm, I’m getting used to it though, not that much different the being a guy. Wear the same clothes~, do the same thing~. Well, sorta. The hips make skirts harder to get into, sadly.”
"I would have though different.." he mumbled, shoulders slumped with tiredness. His mind was feeling clouded, heart heavy. He rubbed his eyes, stifling a yawn as he leaned against Bunta's comforting form. "But as long as you are happy..."
“Well, you always said I was halfgirl to begin with anyway and yeah, think I am. And~! I think it’s time for your piggy-back ride now.”
That way if Kenta drifted off on him, he’d be easier to get back with then attempting to drag, at least. Bunta had missed this though, missed Kenta and it felt. Near as normal as it was gonna get right now.
Kenta just nodded, feeling his eyelids droop. There was less sadness, less guilt, less everything. All he could focus on was that Bunta was here, taking care of him, and Kaede, too quiet to hear properly, sounded like waves.
With that, Bunta get about getting Kenta on his back, wrapping arms about his legs in return to the arms now around his neck. A whispered “sleepwell~” and they were off again, to the comfort of Bunta’s spare bed for the night.
Rating: PG for crazy.
Summary: Bunta
It was cold, really cold. There would probably be snow that morning, sometime in the earlier hours. But Kenta didn’t really care much. He couldn’t feel the cold--his body was shivering, covered by a thick jacket that should have been warm enough but wasn’t. But he couldn’t feel the cold.
His hood was up and he watched the rest of the playground from where he stood against the jungle gym, glaring out from under his bangs. He didn’t like having to wait, and he had been waiting for this meeting too long.
Kaede whispers echoed through his mind and he relaxed, just a touch. If Kaede was here, he could wait.
Slipping out from the warmth of Syuu’s arms and the bed, Bunta got dressed quietly, faux-fur coat over clothes not really suitable to cold weather but it didn’t matter, Kenta was waiting. Sneaking out wasn’t too hard and Syuu hopefully wouldn’t miss him that much, not being grounded made it all the more easier to leave the school behind.
Soon he arrived at the park, the only light coming from dim lamps that lit the winding path through the centre of it but it was enough to find his brother by, hopefully he wouldn’t mind that his older brother was his sister for the moment and with that thought, he came to a stop in front of Kenta (he has changed), offering a smile.
“Hey.”
"Hello." Kenta returned the smile, though coldly. He eyed his brother, who looked indeed just like a girl. In fact, he was a girl. Somehow, Kenta wasn’t too surprised. Kenta had never doubted that of all his family to do something strange, like turning into a girl or being kidnapped or leaving him behind, it would be Bunta. "Kaede says hello too."
That smile… Kenta wasn’t anything like he remembered, like before. Crazy and cold and… With his dead boyfriend in his head, huh. Family always said Bunta was the odd one out but it didn’t seem like he was alone in that anymore. But Kenta didn’t seem like the friendly sort of crazy, maybe he should’ve told Syuu where he was going.
“Course he does. How are you? And… Kaede?”
"Fine." Kenta took a few steps forward, pulling his hood back. His hair was pulled back in little pigtails, having gotten longer over the past few weeks and his cheeks were thinner. He had lost quite a bit of weight, but he himself didn’t notice it at all. "I've been training. The Brotherhood has been good to me. They've taught me lots of things. They keep telling me I have to be subtle, to be careful. I don’t think that's the right way to go about it." Kaede stirred and Kenta felt part of himself fight the coldness that had settled over him. He wanted to scream and yell and cry, but he just continued to smile. "And you, brother?"
Needs to eat more was Bunta’s immediate thought, the next was a brief urge to step back but this was his own brother. But it didn’t feel like it, his brother didn’t have dead eyes, didn’t feel this cold (evenwithpig-tails~).
“Brotherhood, forgot you were going there… The right way? And. What’ve they been teaching you? I’ve been. Training as well, nothing like what you’ve been learninganddoing, I doubt.”
"You went there for a time. Do you remember? No, you don’t..." His head tipped to the side and he blinked, once. "They've been teaching me how to get into someone’s mind without them noticing. How to get in and make them do something later, without me even having to be there. It takes too much work, though. If I'm going to kill someone, I'd rather just reach in and make them twitch for a while." Another blink, Kaede whispering something that he couldn’t quite catch. "What have you been learning, brother? Good things, I hope?"
Wouldn’t. Kenta wouldn’t do that to him but. The truth was staring him in the face. And he went there? What the hell. Syuu was lying, knew it but. Was all too confusing, hurt to think about, blank spot in his memories glaring at him every time he tried. And… His brother was a killer. That hurt almost as much, his little brother wasn’t the kind to take someone’s life. Wasn’t right. Even if he seemed crazy, cold... No, Bunta wasn’t about to believe.
“… Learning control, that’s good enough for me. Better then how to kill, at least.”
Kenta regarded him for a long moment before his eyes drifted inward and he frowned. Kaede told him not to ask, told him to let it go, save his brother the pain. But Kenta didn’t want to let it go--not when Bunta left him, alone and frightened with blood on his hands. Where was the blood on Bunta's? Why was he washed of his sins? "What did Fuji tell you? You don’t remember much, did you?"
Bunta almost didn’t want to learn what had happened now, seemed... Like something bad had happened. Maybe it was best that Syuu lied, best to have forgotten but curiosity was a traitorous thing.
“Didn’t tell me anything and no, I don’t. Doesn’t stop me from wanting to know though. But my brain doesn’t seem to like me enough to tell me about what happened.”
"I can fix that. I can open up all your memories, brother. You know that nothing is ever forgotten. Ever. I can show you." Kaede pulled and whispered and Kenta frowned, fingers twitching with the urge to latch onto something. "Even though you left me, alone. Utterly alone and never came for me and left me, I can give you back what you've lost. Give you back what people refuse to tell you. Everyone knows, Bunta. Everyone knows what happened. What we did."
“Left you? But I didn’t… What did I do? What happened. I don’t… I don’t understand, Kenta. I’d have never left you. If I ever had the choice, you know that. I would have come back but I don’t understand. What happened? Why would I ever leave you? And why…”
Why would everyone know but never tell, couldn’t be that bad. Bad enough to be forgotten even by those that remembered.
"I can show you. I can show you what they did to you. What they did to me. They hurt you, brother, and you cant even remember." If Kenta had his way, he'd hunt them both down and kill them. Kill them for hurting his brother and hurting him. Kill them for thinking they could wield control over something they had no concept of. But he couldn’t do that if Bunta didn’t remember. Kaede whispered again and he calmed down a touch, twisting hair between his fingers in mild irritation. It was too short to be kept from falling in his eyes. "Are they healthy? Your friends. Fuji, and Niou."
“Then show me. My friends though… Don’t. They wouldn’t hurt me, they’re fine. Don’t talk about them when this isn’t even about them.”
Reaching out, Bunta removed Kenta’s hand from his hair, smoothing it out of his face for him before looking him in the eyes. He wanted to know now, know what happened that Kenta seemed to think whoever they did. Wasn’t his fault he couldn’t remember but he wanted to now. Know the truth.
"Trust me, brother?" Without waiting for an answer, and ignoring Kaede's faint protest, Kenta reached out and slipped ghost fingers into Bunta's mind. He had always wanted to do it--always wanted to glide in and see just what was going on in that pink head of his. He was surprised by the damage, the unorganized feel to it all. Bunta's own mind was hiding him from the pain and the guilt. It was probably for the best.
Kenta closed his eyes to focus, feeling the locked doors of memories and places he would have to fight his way in. He wanted to do it all at once--at least spare him that much. "Can you feel it?"
Too late for a reply that would’ve been yes anyway, he felt Kenta reaching inside his mind, a cold touch and then. Felt strange, nothing like his power when he saw images in another brain but Kenta’s power was different, of course. Probably even operated in words, not all the pictures and images that made up Bunta’s. His own eyes drifted closed before he answered, waiting almost nervously (‘ceptthatBuntadidn’tdonervous~) for whatever it was that his brother was about to do.
“Yeah, go ‘head.”
It was difficult, taking hold of all the locks on all the doors of memory at the same time. But he could do it, frowning in concentration as he made sure he got each one. Some were stronger then others and he poured energy into his hold of Bunta's mind. He felt Kaede, resigning to lend a hand, holding tight the connection and lending him ghostly energy.
Suddenly aware of what he was about to do, Kenta opened his eyes, looking up with some guilt. "Sorry." he murmured before pulling hard, yanking free the veils and doors and locks that had hid Bunta's memories from him.
The anticipation and then… Flood of memories and ohgods. Hurt. Stumbling back, away from his brother, he fell, uneven surface tripping him. Landing on the wet grass, eyes still closed, it was too much. Hehadkilledandkilledandsomuch. Blood and violence and why. Severed limbs and somuchblood. He had done so much, killed so many and there was always… Every flash and every image, Kenta by his side. Promises of not leaving and he did. Why. It hurt, like there was no more air and this was all that was left in the world, forgotten memories that should have never been remembered.
"Don’t die, brother.." Kenta whispered as he kneeled down next to Bunta's legs, watching him with a bit of morbid curiosity and excitement. They couldn’t hide Bunta from him now--he remembered it all. He must have. They were reunited and Kenta wouldn’t have to be afraid anymore. "You can’t run away from what you did. From what we did."
Opening his eyes, he blinked back tears (hormoneschangewhenyouareagirl, dammit~), fighting back the memories until they weren’t all-encompassing, the pain enough to speak without gritted teeth and the urge to throw up.
“Wouldn’t die, brother. And I won’t. We’ll pay, you know that, right? We killed- no. We tortured and murdered. I don’t… What did you do… Why- no. What did we do, why. I don’t understand. I don’t. Idon’t…”
Trailing off, Bunta turned to Kenta, glaring out of frustration that he couldn’t understand. Didn’t seem like anything they’d do but they did. How the hell was he meant to deal with all this.
"They killed Kaede. You killed them in revenge. We have to kill them all, don’t you understand? They hate us, Bunta. There’s no peace or happiness or anything because they hate us." Kenta glared back, feeling the tense energy of rage between his shoulders. How dare his brother act in such a way, when he had just as much blood staining his hands. "How can you trust anyone, Bunta, when they killed him. They'd kill us all if they got a chance."
Was becoming clear now, Kenta wasn’t the brother he knew anymore, more a lost cause. Sliding away from him on the grass, Bunta eyed him from a slight distance. Ignoring the mess that his head was, he responded slowly and carefully.
“No, what’s done is done. We’ve enough revenge to last lifetimes; no more blood needs to be spilt. Yes, they may hate us but not all of them do. If we start, we’ll get war, not peace. I can trust before I’ve friends. Friends that weren’t responsible for Kaede’s death. Not every human is, the ones that did are long dead already.”
"Peace? What peace? There is never peace. It's all a lie, so that you don’t have to look at the face of those who are dying every day. People die every day, Bunta. You and your precious lover can hide from that all you want, but its still a fact." He snorted, crossing his arms. Humans destroyed each other so easily, killing and torturing them without a care. At least when Kenta killed, it was faster. At least he took the blame for it, knew that when he looked into someone's dying eyes he could say--yes. I've killed you. Human's killed each other every day and looked the other way. "Humans are impure. Cruel. There is nothing that makes them worth saving. They've damned themselves to more hells that are imaginable."
Was there anything left in there that was worth reasoning with? Didn’t seem like it and Bunta hated. Hated the harsh reality of his brother not being saveable. Growing numb, Bunta wrapped his arms around himself, drawing away from Kenta and getting up off the ground.
“There will be peace when we learn to share. Not when we’ve killed them all. We’re just as impure and cruel as they are. We’ve certainly covered the cruel part. You and your precious voiceinyourhead can believe what you want. This isn’t hiding. You’re the one doing that.”
Something snapped. Something snapped and he couldn’t hear Kaede anymore--didn’t want to hear Kaede telling him to stop. He leapt to his feet, reaching out to plunge into Bunta's mind and latch on, just enough to keep him from moving. Holding just tight enough to keep him from moving. He always knew his brother had been too trusting, too open to those who could hurt him. Funny he now was the one in position to do just that.
"Don’t you dare speak of Kaede like that. Not until you understand what its like. Not until you know what his blood feels like in your hands. Do you want me to show you that pain, brother? Do you want to understand that? Because I can make it happen. I've always liked Fuji-san, but you will not speak of things you don’t understand."
No, nonono, just let me go. Wanted to leave but now he couldn’t and he didn’t trust his brother like he did before. Everything had changed now and all Bunta wanted to do want cry now, curl up and forgot everything all over again.
“Didn’t. Didn’t mean it and no. I don’t want to understand because I already do. Don’t need his blood on my hands because I wasn’t the one to kill him. Don’t need anymore of your pain. You make it happen and you are not my brother, Kenta. I liked Kaede. Like him being alive, being yours. But I don’t like it this way. And don’t you. Ever threaten Fuji.”
Kenta gasped, reeling backwards, releasing everything. You are not my brother. Those words echoed through his brain, and suddenly there was no Kaede, no nothing. Just Bunta standing there, hurt and betrayed and angry and Kenta couldn’t believe what he had just done. There was nothing but a deep, deep sorrow, something that hurt so much it almost choked the air from his lungs. He couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. He just stared, tears welling up in his eyes and falling as he struggled to find some measure of calm, something to ground him. But there was nothing. He was nothing. "I....I...."
That broke his resolve to leave, to not get close to whatever it was that Kenta seemed to now be. Tears started falling when he was released, moving toward instead of away now after anger and everything abandoned him at the site of his little brother looking so damn hurt. Wrapping his arms around Kenta, he hugged him close, sinking to the ground again and taking Kenta with him.
“Sorry, I’m so sorry. Shh~. We’ll work this out together, ‘kay? We’re famil-, no. We’re Marui’s, we can do anything together. And with Kaede as well, we’ll get through this, okay?”
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!!" Kenta wailed against Bunta's chest, everything feeling so wrong. He hadn’t come here to hurt his brother--he wanted to be with him, wanted not to be alone anymore. He couldn’t hear Kaede when it hurt so much, couldn’t be comforted by just a ghost when he knew his very soul was bleeding. Bleeding and bleeding and he could see the blood on his hands, as clearly as if Bunta had painted it there. "I'msosorry."
Bunta wasn’t going to leave him now, pulling him up into his lap, he hugged him tighter, not sure where they could go from here. He wouldn’t leave him, not again. Syuu would understand if he brought him back.
“We’ll go back to Ryuhana, okay? I’ve a spare bed and I’ll keep you company, ‘kay? Not leaving you again. I promise. Promise to Kaede and you. I’m sorry, I’msorry. I’ll make you something to eat when we get back, anything you want, ‘kay? Nevergonnaleaveyouagain.”
Ryuhana. Where he hadn’t wanted to go. But it wasn’t as though he had any friends back with the Brotherhood. He could be taught anywhere, if he even still needed teaching. If he never touched anyone again, if he kept it all away and just became a normal boy again, would things be better?
He couldn't, wouldn't let himself believe that. But he would go back. And maybe Kaede would come back, and Kenta would be with his brother. That was all that mattered. He couldn’t bear to lose anymore. "Okay..."
Brushing a kiss on Kenta’s forehead and wiping off his tears, Bunta helped them both up, still managing to remain attached somehow. Glad that his brother was coming with him, he could look after him now. Keep his promise and keep him safe, keep him close. Taking a deep breath, Bunta calmed down a little, he was the big brother (sisteratthemoment~), had to be less hysterical.
“Piggy-back ride for old-times sake or do you just wanna walk it?”
"You’re a girl, you can’t carry me." he murmured, finally taking a moment to boggle at the strange transformation. It didn’t matter too much, though. Bunta had always been rather squishy--now he just came with more curves. Which was equally disturbing and, somewhere back in his mind that he couldn’t yet reach, funny.
“Course I can, you’re still a munchkin~. <3”
Smiling at him, Bunta took his hand instead, tugging lightly until they started moving slowly in the right direction, Bunta wasn’t going to hurry them, could take as long as Kenta wanted.
“Can be male if you want me to be, just energy shifts, really. Trying this form out though, ‘s odd.”
"It doesn’t matter. Bunta is Bunta." He blinked, looking around as they walked, getting his bearings so he'd know how to get to Ryuhana and back. He knew he would be too restless to stay put for long. "How'd it happen?" His voice was soft, younger than it should be and he felt like a little boy again. Kenta had greatly missed holding someone's hand.
“Always. And Kenta is Kenta is my brother is a munchkin~.”
Shrugging at the question, he noted Kenta’s voice and he swung their joined hands in time with their steps. Thinking back on it how it did before just deciding, hell, why not tell. Kenta already knew how strange he was. <3
“I got a kimono for New Years and decided to be a proper girl for my date with Syuu- uh. Fuji and really, it was an accident. Mean to be an illusion but I ended up female.”
Kenta had spent New Years in his room, alone, thinking over memories of what he and Kaede had done previous years, and arguing over the details. But with morning came the horrible realization that he was alone, again. Sniffing slightly, he nodded, trying very hard not to think of Kaede and dates and the time he had been bullied into wearing a skirt and the wrestling match over the pictures. "Oh... It must be weird."
Tissues, there better be tissues at Ryuhana. Letting go of his hand, Bunta wrapped an arm around Kenta, comforting as best he could whilst walking. Hated to think what it’d be like to have Syuu die and to die like Kaede had. Must be utterly awful for Kenta. Yes, Bunta was upset over his death but he wasn’t as close, of course. Talking was distracting so Bunta got babbling.
“Mmm-hmm, I’m getting used to it though, not that much different the being a guy. Wear the same clothes~, do the same thing~. Well, sorta. The hips make skirts harder to get into, sadly.”
"I would have though different.." he mumbled, shoulders slumped with tiredness. His mind was feeling clouded, heart heavy. He rubbed his eyes, stifling a yawn as he leaned against Bunta's comforting form. "But as long as you are happy..."
“Well, you always said I was halfgirl to begin with anyway and yeah, think I am. And~! I think it’s time for your piggy-back ride now.”
That way if Kenta drifted off on him, he’d be easier to get back with then attempting to drag, at least. Bunta had missed this though, missed Kenta and it felt. Near as normal as it was gonna get right now.
Kenta just nodded, feeling his eyelids droop. There was less sadness, less guilt, less everything. All he could focus on was that Bunta was here, taking care of him, and Kaede, too quiet to hear properly, sounded like waves.
With that, Bunta get about getting Kenta on his back, wrapping arms about his legs in return to the arms now around his neck. A whispered “sleepwell~” and they were off again, to the comfort of Bunta’s spare bed for the night.
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Date: 2006-01-12 08:49 pm (UTC)... But aww. They really can be cute.
Provided they're not evil.Yeah.