Tenipuri XP LOG - Tomoka, Takashi
Dec. 22nd, 2005 08:31 pm![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
singing-sparkle.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
tenipuri_xpCharacters: Tomoka Osakada, Takashi Kawamura.
Rating: PG-13 for language and allusions to violence.
Date: Backdated to last Saturday.
Summary: Some months after the circumstances that drove them apart, Tomoka and Takashi find each other again. What was supposed to be an encounter filled up to HERE with angst, tears and shoujo-manga-ish melodrama ends up... differently.
Note: As usual, there are small bonuses. :3
Tomoka sat on the park bench and closed her eyes. She had to get everything ready for tomorrow, when she'd go home for the break... and she wouldn't go alone, since her surrogate kid brother Jiroh Akutagawa would go with her. She had to be a good hostess for him; that way, he'd have a nice winter break and forget about all the problems brought to him by his mutation and his child-like mindset.
But after walking down the streets for quite a while in a very cold Sunday, all she wanted was to rest a little and have something hot that would bring back the warmth to her body. She also hoped it wouldn't start pouring or snowing...
With a sigh, she looked up at the gray sky. One as gray as her coat and gloves.
Takashi wandered idly through the crowd, taking in all the sights and sounds and smells of the holiday rush. He knew he shouldn't have left his shopping to the last minute, but things had been crazy over at the Brotherhood. Ever since he'd been officially enrolled, classes and training had been intense and unending. It was a miracle he'd even managed to muster the strength to venture outside the mansion to shop.
He paused at a window display and eyed the sweaters inside, wondering which one to pick for his secret santa gift--imagine, being assigned to get a gift for him, of all people--it was a tough choice between green and navy. He wished he had someone better along with him--a girl, or something, to give him fashion advice. Anyone other than Sleepy, who had so far made the most ridiculous suggestions he'd ever heard. No, he decided firmly, and made sure Sleepy was aware of it, I will not buy a feather boa for Akutsu Jin.
Party pooper, came the snarky reply.
Takashi shook his head and decided to come back to that store later. He had a few other things to pick up, and he knew he might find something different to get him. He kept walking aimlessly, weaving in and out of shoppers, until he found himself on a snow-covered path in the park.
Tomoka opened her eyes after some minutes, feeling the energy coming back to her. It was still very cold, but at least the pain in her legs had somewhat subdued. She had chosen thewrong boots for walking in that cold day, definitely.
"Let's see...," she murmured, tapping her finger against her chin, trying to remember if she had brought all the right things. "Akito and Shigure will have more than enough with the coloring books, crayons and candies. Mama will love the teddy bear and the parfum. Papa and his new blue silk tie will be a deal...".
The gifts for her classmates were already given to them in the party, and since she had made them with her own hands she doubted the 'Hana kids wouldn't appreciate them (or at least they didn't say anything rude to her). Some Brotherhood boys (Yuushi-san and Ohtori-san) also had theirs, and she had given Wakato his own gift along with a b-day one when they went to Harajuku.
But there was someone else left... and she didn't know if she should give him a gift. Or even if she should contact him. Because if they ever came into each other's view, Tomoka didn't know what she would do.
Out of the corner of his eye, Takashi spotted a bench. It would be nice to sit and rest a bit, since his legs were getting cold, and tired. But he spied someone already occupying it. Not that it really mattered, but he would have preferred an empty bench so that his... conversations wouldn't be overheard. Lately he'd been finding it harder to talk for extended periods of time in his head. It was a lot easier to just speak out loud. Unforunately that meant those in the vicinity shot him looks of alarm and suspicion.
"I'm *not* crazy, I swear," he murmured. Burn chuckled in amusement and reminded him that yes, he was quite crazy, and there was really nothing he could do about it.
He approached the bench warily, aiming for the opposite end of it. He paused mid-step, and did a double-take. It couldn't be....could it?
He stared and felt an uncomfortable blush of shame creept to his cheeks.
"T...Tomoka?"
That voice. Oh, God. No... she was having a sort of bad dream, eh? Someone was calling out to her, and that voice sounded horribly like...
Of course she knew that *he* was with *them*. During the convoluted times that followed the last time they... spoke, she had chosen to block her own pain as much as she could and think more of the others. But Tomoka knew that she was lying to herself and avoiding him as much as she could, fearing what would be the outcome.
But it seemed that she couldn't avoid that man anymore. First, Jiroh told her about his evil Other. Later, she had the feeling that he was in the Brotherhood. And that was confirmed by Ohtori-sempai, when she asked him about the subject.
The girl slowly turned towards the source of the voice. And he *was* there. Blushing and staring at her, just like in those times when they were two teenagers dating each other - not knowing what Lady Luck and Fate had stored for them.
"Kawamura-san...," she murmured.
There was an unusual silence in his head as both of the Others stopped speaking for a moment. Then, slowly, Sleepy chuckled. Well. This is awkward, now isn't it?
"Shut up," Takashi growled, as discreetly as he could. He didn't want Tomoka to think he was being rude. Immediately he remembered the last time they'd actually spoken -- well, the last time Tomoka had spoken to Sleepy. The music room. Soemthing strange had happened that day, as Sleepy was preparing to Split from inside him and become active on his own. Something Tomoka had done with her powers had sped up the process.... Takashi remembered the explosion of thoughts and voices as his entire body had been taken over by Sleepy, who had his own agenda and his own idea of what they shoudl be doing with their shared body. He remembered Tomoka being hurt, and then leaving...
It was too horrible to think about. She *must* hate him. She *had* to.
What was he supposed to say to her? 'Hi, you look good, how's things over at Ryuhana?' 'Hey, how's your head?' 'Oh, hey, sorry, there's a gay sociopath living in my head and he doesn't like you very much?'
"It's very cold out," He finally said, and promptly bit his tongue. What the hell? Burn began to snicker. You're a dork, Sleepy mused.
Takashi cringed and wondered what was going on inside Tomoka's mind. How was he going to tell her about being part of the Brotherhood?
Tomoka got up from the bench, leaving the plastic bags and her purse on it. Then, she stared at the man she was once *this* close to fall in love with, opened her lips to reply...
And nothing came out. It was like her voice, the same one that was so useful to express her feelings and thoughts, had just frozen inside.
Tomoka had the right to yell at him, to insult him, to cry out in pain for what he had done to her. For what *they* had done... since according to Jiroh and Hanamura-sensei, Kawamura had now TWO Others inside of his body, mind, and soul. One was the Kawamura she had loved, another had once tried to grope her but never did anything that could harm her seriously... but the other...
A cold wind blew, and Tomoka instictively braced herself. She was freezing, dammit.
"Look, I..." Takashi trailed off. What was he about to say? He realized he hadn't even thought about what he would do the next time he met Tomoka. Really he'd pushed it all far outside of his mind, and had focused on his new life at the Brotherhood. He knew now he had been stupid to think this issue would never come up again.
"There's things we need...to...talk about," He managed to say, and felt his face getting even redder. Confrontation was not his strongest suit. He hated conflict--in fact, he avoided it at all times if he could. Now there was nothing he could do except hope that Tomoka would listen and try to understand.
Tomoka tried to get her voice to work, but until the wind stopped blowing and Kawamura actually spoke to her, she couldn't. Oh dear. To think that she used to be the one getting their relationship going, and did it okay until those two encounters in the music room.
But he had asked to talk about it. And they were in the downtown area, where none of the three Kawamuras would be able to attack her. After the paranoia brought by the horrible mess in the Nakano mall, with An's brother and his friend...
Still looking at him hard, she wordlessly picked up her stuff and nodded. She had to face her own actions, and right now.
He watched her nod, and felt confused. Yes they needed to talk? Or was she planning to just leave? He stepped forward and touched her arm lightly. He didn't want to grab her; it might scare her off, might make her think he wasn't who he said he was.
"Tomoka, you have to hear me out. What happened--that day--it wasn't my fault. Well it was. MY fault, I mean...I...ah..." He stopped. Babbling again. So smooth, Burn commented. I bet she's real mad. Maybe she'll kick you in the nuts.
Takashi frowned and snapped at Burn. He was getting really mad now. "Why don't you just shut up, okay?" He said angrily, and grimaced. Had he said that out loud?
Tomoka had barely realized that he was touching her. Yet, when he said out loud "Why don't you just shut up, okay?", she jerked away by instinct.
She then realized that he was more talking to himself than to her, so Tomoka could bet that his Others were either protesting or laughing at him. Still shaking from the shock, but somewhat calmer than before, the girl finally managed to speak.
"... You're gonna talk to me or not then, Kawamura-san?".
She remarked the last words as a way to establish some distance between them. While she *was* willing to hear his side of the story, it was up to her to see if it was good enough to avoid the bitchslapping.
Takashi swallowed thickly. Suddenly his throat and mouth felt incredibly dry. "I *do* want to talk," he explained. "They're just....being noisy." He said, motioning to his temples.
He paused. "That day. It wasn't me. Well it was, for the first little bit, and then the new one showed up. We...I call him Sleepy, because he can put people to sleep with a touch." He wondered how strange this would all sound to anyone other than a fellow mutant.
He scuffed his foot on the ground. "When he left the institute I switched back. I couldn't return so I just kept going and I ended up at the other school--I'm...I'm guessing you know which one."
... That wasn't new. Of course she had come to know thanks to Jiroh-kun, Hanamura-sensei and Ohtori-sempai. What Kawamura was saying just confirmed everything that she either guessed or was told. So...
"... I know that, Kawamura-san," she murmured, her voice barely audible. "Hanamura-sensei mentioned the new Other..." Of course she'd never tell him the role that Jiroh had in the whole mess; too much risk to put him through. "And Ohtori-sempai told me the rest".
Tomoka didn't notice, but her confusion caused a very soft golden glow to surround her. Thank God they were alone. "Kawamura-san... care to tell me something that we don't know already? Like how I've been lying to my classmates, telling them that I had an accident during the cleaning, to cover up how Sleepy almost killed me? Or how I've blamed myself for being unable to help you, to fill my promise to protect you? Or... something like this?".
With a slightly trembling hand, Tomoka lifted the bangs covering her left temple to show him the scar that Sleep gave her as he threw her against the wall of the music room, months ago. The proof of what happened between then, and a memento of her own shame and pain.
Takashi recoiled slightly, and felt a sick feeling pool in his stomach. Had he done this? It was obviously just a scar now, and no longer caused her any pain....but he couldn't help feeling so damn guilty about it. Oops, Sleepy drawled. Did I do that?
Takashi shook his head and ignored him. If Tomoka knew everything....why hadn't she tried to contact him? He'd been silent, yes; but certainly not unreachable.
"If you know then why are you still angry? Can't you....don't you see how sorry I am for all of this? I never wanted it to happen."
"... Because I didn't know where you were, spent many days in the medlab, thought that you didn't want to see me, had to help the people of Ryuhana after the earthquake and even later because we were having quite hard times? I had no time to think about anything but them and my training, Kawamura-san... and that's an excuse, I know."
Tomoka's hazel eyes would be full of shimmering, diamond-like tears in shoujo manga... but this was real life, and in RL things weren't that pretty. Even for a girl whose powers could create beautiful fireworks to cover the ugliness.
Her voice softened a little, as she took a deep breath and spoke again. "Kawamura-san, I believe *you* when you say *you* are sorry... but what about your Others, huh? I don't think Sleep will just repent about that, or that he won't try to hurt us both again. And I will never forget that I was the one who caused this... because it's my fault too, dammit."
She wasn't crying. And that was what scared her the most.
Takashi was taken aback by her statement. *Her* fault? It had been his choice to run away to the Brotherhood. He hadn't actually broken up with her -- *that* had been Sleepy, in his woman-hating mode. But *were they sorry*?
"No," Takashi admitted. He hadn't even asked them. He didn't have to. Burn didn't care what happened to anyone other than himself, and Sleepy didn't like Tomoka. At all. "They're...they're not sorry. But I am!"
It was a horrible feeling, knowing that someone you cared about thought of you as....as something to be afraid of. A monster. He didn't want to hurt anyone. It was just these...people living in his head...they did things when they were out that he could never take back and he knew it.
Even though he still knew he felt something for her, Takashi didn't think she'd be willing to continue what they had had before. Sure, it hadn't been anything too intense. But he'd enjoyed spending time with her, and he really did have strong feelings for her. But now...
"So what...ah...do we do now?" He asked slowly. "We--I mean I--still want to...be...friends. I just. I get the feeling you're never going to completely forgive me. Or us. Or...them. Whatever." He stuttered slightly, and stared at the ground in embarassment. He didn't want to tell her outright that he had feelings for--for someone else. He still had them for her... but they'd lost their intensity now. And if they did still prusue a relationship... there was always the chance that one of his Others would try to hurt her in the future. He didn't want to risk it.
Tomoka again felt like the heroine of a bad shoujo, apologizing so much and hearing him apologize as well. She knew he was sincere, she could see it in his eyes and sense it in his voice and attitude, and she still cared for the real Takashi Kawamura... but...
The slight glow finally went away. "I... I don't know what to really think. You're honest and I know it... but...".
They were standing rather close to each other, so she made an effort. After leaving her bags on the snow, she lifted her gloved hand and touched Kawamura's face.
Much to her dismay, for a second Tomoka *really* wanted to slap him, then run away. But she resisted that urge, and kept her covered fingers pressed against his cheek, trying to give him this (maybe last) proof of faith, to prove to both of them that Tomoka still wanted to trust him...
Takashi couldn't think straight. He was so completely, utterly confused--he wanted so much to reconcile with her and move on, but part of him lingered with his memories of Tomoka and his time at Ryuhana. He did like her... but he didn't know if the feelings were still the same. If they were really even there.
He stared at her for a long, agonizing moment, and lowered his head to capture her lips in a kiss.
She was shocked when he came up with this. In all of her relationships (friendly, romantic, familiar), Tomoka was the one leading all on. Even in that sort of meeting with Yuushi-san and all that happened, or in her meetings with Wakato-kun (what was he really to her, anyway? She couldn't help but feeling attracted to him, but feeling and acting were two different things...) she had refused to fully give the other person any chance to take the lead.
And yet...
And yet, yes, Takashi was kissing her. It felt... not completely wrong, but not so right as it used to. Because she knew that his Others would be thinking something different, and she barely had a way to know it.
She placed her hands on his chest (To touch him more? To push him away if he or his Others stepped out of line? She didn't know) and allowed him to continue. Either take it or leave it, Tomoka. No mediums now.
In his mind Takashi was surprised--he'd never been this forward. Ever. Though disgusted, Sleepy resigned to giving him credit for taking the initiative. Even if...
It's not the same, Burn said, sounding annoyed. Don't lead her on like this, you moron. Don't be an ass.
Takashi wanted to keep going, just for the chance to have some sort of human contact other than the people in his head.... but he knew that although he did enjoy kissing her, Tomoka was really nothing more to him now than a good friend.
He reach up and clasped her hands, pulling them down between them. He broke off the kiss with a sigh, and watch as the puffs of hot breath floated before him. He was blushing furiously, but this was past being awkward and embarassing. He only prayed she felt the same way...h e prayed she felt that there was nothing more to them than this now.
"Tomoka...you...I..." He didn't know what to say. He'd used up his courage in that unexpected kiss. "There's someone else I'm interested in."
She was surprised at how dull the bits of pain felt. Maybe she had gotten better into predicting the reactions of someone else than herself? She didn't think so, but hey.
"Honestly said... the same happens to me, Taka-san," she told him. "I have feelings for another friend of mine. Not too sure on what the hell they are, or if I shall pursue them with all that's happening now. I honestly can't think of myself now. I have my family and the Ryuhana people to take care of...".
She hadn't noticed, but it was snowing. Okay, just starting to snow, but at this rate who cared.
Takashi was startled. She had moved on, too? So...so he really wasn't the bad guy, then? Instantly he felt a surge of relief.
"Tha's wonderful!" He laughed,and rubbed the back of his head in embarassment. "I was afraid you'd hate me and...ahm...I didn't...oh...I don't know."
He paused, and looked down at her seriously. "Are we...are we okay then?" He asked. He was talking about the kiss... him running away... the music room incident... he was talking about everything between them. He wanted everything to be all right. He wanted, desperately, to talk to Tomoka. He knew she'd be the one to cheer him up, cheer him on. To help him make sense out of the jumble of emotions and thoughts in his head. He wasn't ashamed to admit he'd missed everything about her -- even if it was no longer romantic between them.
Since when their roles were reversed? She used to be the one pushing the man into action, and right now he was the one reassuring her. Damn, would she tell him that the man she was starting to develop feelings for was also from the Brotherhood, and that another one of *them* just...? Oh, shit, what the Hell...?
At the same time, though, Tomoka desperately wanted to believe that, in Real Life, the old cliché of "All couples going under a bad break-up must hate each other!" wasn't true. Tomoka was willing to change her fate and make others smile, like Hanmura-sensei made her promise when she invited her to come to Ryuhana; maybe there were times when it didn't work (she briefly remembered Fuji-sempai and Marui-kun), but she wouldn't give up.
Also, now that she was lotsa more powerful than in that crisis moment, she would handle Sleep and Burn much better if they stepped out of line. Since Takashi Kawamura was willing to attempt patching up things... Tomoka Osakada didn't want to be less than him.
Challenge accepted!
Her decision taken, Tomoka made some brighter rainbow sparkles appear.
"I'm not sure if it'll be okay...," she started. She wasn't so stupid to believe that the cracks in the porcelain would disappear like dust in the wind. "But will I know if it can improve... if I don't attempt to, you see, do something?".
Tomoka wasn't smiling coyly or anything to make herself look cuter. "I'm willing to try. Just... time will be needed, eh? And to Sleep and Burn...".
The girl pointed at the ground and released a small laser beam. She felt proud of the results of her training; as much as it drained her and how... "special" her instructor was, it *did* work, and she wouldn't be helpless against his Others anymore.
"Try to hurt me, guys. I dare you to."
Takashi leapt back and stared at the charred ground. Since when could Tomoka do that?
Whoa. Shit. This girl's packing. Burn said, and seemed mildly impressed. Sleepy said nothing. Even though he was suddenly very afraid to get on her bad side, Takashi couldn't help but laugh.
"That was....incredible. You've really been training." He smiled and shrugged. "We've been training ourselves but...Burn can't do anything nearly as cool as that." Hey, came an indignant reply.
As for being okay, Takashi knew he'd just have to accept her "maybe". For now, that was good enough for him. He helped her gather all the bags she was carryign and shouldered his own. If he didn't hurry back, he might not be able to get that sweater before the store closed.
"So. Ahm...I'll...see you around then?"
"I'm going home, actually," she told him in a nonchalant tone, but after seeing the change in his expression she deduced that Burn and Sleep would, from now on, think twice before messing with her. And boy, did that flatter Tomoka. "Tomorrow. And I'm taking Akutagawa Jiroh with me. The dreamcatching blond boy, remember him?."
She took her bags and purse from him and smiled. "Hey... don't we have some minutes to ourselves now, before the stores are closed? You know... I still don't have a decent gift to you. And since the real Taka does deserve one... heh, if you want it, let's go".
Tomoka also needed to get moving. The snowflakes were still falling lightly on them as they left the park, and she'd better move and do something to forget about the cold.
He paused, and remembered what he was still carrying in his bag. He'd purchased it earlier today on a whim, not even realizing he'd been thinking about her when he had. He supposed now would be the best time to give it to her.
"Wait...um. I have, ahm....this....." He reached into his bag and shifted around things until he found it, not wrapped but placed into a decorative bag with pink tissue paper. He blushed and looked away. "It's nothing special I just...I don't even know why I..."
He gave it to her, and decided now would be the best time to make his exit. He didn't mean to make it look odd, but he'd had enough awkwardness for one day...and they'd be able to talk later, at any rate.
The girl just stared at his retreating back, not knowing if she should chase him and start throwing snowballs at him (like she did to her friends whenever they pulled out something like that in those times) or... what the Hell. Were this manga, she wou'dve either gone chibi or sweatdrop like mad... or throw Something Real Big at him.
But he was gone already. No use thinking of the "what if's" now, eh?
Her curiosity piqued, Tomoka came back to the bench, sat down with her bags on her lap and slowly opened the package. It was a blue and white jewelry box, with a transparent lid that had the word "Moment" written in English with golden letters.
She opened it as well, and a slow carillon melody filled the cold air. Tomoka easily recognized the song it played as a cute pop one that was very popular some years ago, so she briefly sang to its tune.
I don't understand. Ah, I don't understand any more.
I want to throw off my confusion, and go running after you.
Say you'll take me to... Ah, please say you'll take me with you again,
to a place I can never return from. (1)
It didn't exactly fit to their situation, but she didn't feel that as being necessarily of life and death. They were just starting to patch things up, after all...
Few hours later, when Tomoka was sleeping in her room at the dorm, the gifts she had purchased (which also included a small wristwatch for Takashi; she'd give him later) were on her desk - and so was the music box, which contained the hair ribbons and the friendship bracelet given to her by Jiroh.
***
(1): The song used is "Moment", performed by Mariko Kouda. It's the infamous insert song from the Marmalade Boy. And the music box that Taka gives to Tomoka is based on the one Yuu gave Miki as a gift during episode 22 (The double date with Meiko and Miwa). More info here: The Marmalade Handbook.
Rating: PG-13 for language and allusions to violence.
Date: Backdated to last Saturday.
Summary: Some months after the circumstances that drove them apart, Tomoka and Takashi find each other again. What was supposed to be an encounter filled up to HERE with angst, tears and shoujo-manga-ish melodrama ends up... differently.
Note: As usual, there are small bonuses. :3
Tomoka sat on the park bench and closed her eyes. She had to get everything ready for tomorrow, when she'd go home for the break... and she wouldn't go alone, since her surrogate kid brother Jiroh Akutagawa would go with her. She had to be a good hostess for him; that way, he'd have a nice winter break and forget about all the problems brought to him by his mutation and his child-like mindset.
But after walking down the streets for quite a while in a very cold Sunday, all she wanted was to rest a little and have something hot that would bring back the warmth to her body. She also hoped it wouldn't start pouring or snowing...
With a sigh, she looked up at the gray sky. One as gray as her coat and gloves.
Takashi wandered idly through the crowd, taking in all the sights and sounds and smells of the holiday rush. He knew he shouldn't have left his shopping to the last minute, but things had been crazy over at the Brotherhood. Ever since he'd been officially enrolled, classes and training had been intense and unending. It was a miracle he'd even managed to muster the strength to venture outside the mansion to shop.
He paused at a window display and eyed the sweaters inside, wondering which one to pick for his secret santa gift--imagine, being assigned to get a gift for him, of all people--it was a tough choice between green and navy. He wished he had someone better along with him--a girl, or something, to give him fashion advice. Anyone other than Sleepy, who had so far made the most ridiculous suggestions he'd ever heard. No, he decided firmly, and made sure Sleepy was aware of it, I will not buy a feather boa for Akutsu Jin.
Party pooper, came the snarky reply.
Takashi shook his head and decided to come back to that store later. He had a few other things to pick up, and he knew he might find something different to get him. He kept walking aimlessly, weaving in and out of shoppers, until he found himself on a snow-covered path in the park.
Tomoka opened her eyes after some minutes, feeling the energy coming back to her. It was still very cold, but at least the pain in her legs had somewhat subdued. She had chosen thewrong boots for walking in that cold day, definitely.
"Let's see...," she murmured, tapping her finger against her chin, trying to remember if she had brought all the right things. "Akito and Shigure will have more than enough with the coloring books, crayons and candies. Mama will love the teddy bear and the parfum. Papa and his new blue silk tie will be a deal...".
The gifts for her classmates were already given to them in the party, and since she had made them with her own hands she doubted the 'Hana kids wouldn't appreciate them (or at least they didn't say anything rude to her). Some Brotherhood boys (Yuushi-san and Ohtori-san) also had theirs, and she had given Wakato his own gift along with a b-day one when they went to Harajuku.
But there was someone else left... and she didn't know if she should give him a gift. Or even if she should contact him. Because if they ever came into each other's view, Tomoka didn't know what she would do.
Out of the corner of his eye, Takashi spotted a bench. It would be nice to sit and rest a bit, since his legs were getting cold, and tired. But he spied someone already occupying it. Not that it really mattered, but he would have preferred an empty bench so that his... conversations wouldn't be overheard. Lately he'd been finding it harder to talk for extended periods of time in his head. It was a lot easier to just speak out loud. Unforunately that meant those in the vicinity shot him looks of alarm and suspicion.
"I'm *not* crazy, I swear," he murmured. Burn chuckled in amusement and reminded him that yes, he was quite crazy, and there was really nothing he could do about it.
He approached the bench warily, aiming for the opposite end of it. He paused mid-step, and did a double-take. It couldn't be....could it?
He stared and felt an uncomfortable blush of shame creept to his cheeks.
"T...Tomoka?"
That voice. Oh, God. No... she was having a sort of bad dream, eh? Someone was calling out to her, and that voice sounded horribly like...
Of course she knew that *he* was with *them*. During the convoluted times that followed the last time they... spoke, she had chosen to block her own pain as much as she could and think more of the others. But Tomoka knew that she was lying to herself and avoiding him as much as she could, fearing what would be the outcome.
But it seemed that she couldn't avoid that man anymore. First, Jiroh told her about his evil Other. Later, she had the feeling that he was in the Brotherhood. And that was confirmed by Ohtori-sempai, when she asked him about the subject.
The girl slowly turned towards the source of the voice. And he *was* there. Blushing and staring at her, just like in those times when they were two teenagers dating each other - not knowing what Lady Luck and Fate had stored for them.
"Kawamura-san...," she murmured.
There was an unusual silence in his head as both of the Others stopped speaking for a moment. Then, slowly, Sleepy chuckled. Well. This is awkward, now isn't it?
"Shut up," Takashi growled, as discreetly as he could. He didn't want Tomoka to think he was being rude. Immediately he remembered the last time they'd actually spoken -- well, the last time Tomoka had spoken to Sleepy. The music room. Soemthing strange had happened that day, as Sleepy was preparing to Split from inside him and become active on his own. Something Tomoka had done with her powers had sped up the process.... Takashi remembered the explosion of thoughts and voices as his entire body had been taken over by Sleepy, who had his own agenda and his own idea of what they shoudl be doing with their shared body. He remembered Tomoka being hurt, and then leaving...
It was too horrible to think about. She *must* hate him. She *had* to.
What was he supposed to say to her? 'Hi, you look good, how's things over at Ryuhana?' 'Hey, how's your head?' 'Oh, hey, sorry, there's a gay sociopath living in my head and he doesn't like you very much?'
"It's very cold out," He finally said, and promptly bit his tongue. What the hell? Burn began to snicker. You're a dork, Sleepy mused.
Takashi cringed and wondered what was going on inside Tomoka's mind. How was he going to tell her about being part of the Brotherhood?
Tomoka got up from the bench, leaving the plastic bags and her purse on it. Then, she stared at the man she was once *this* close to fall in love with, opened her lips to reply...
And nothing came out. It was like her voice, the same one that was so useful to express her feelings and thoughts, had just frozen inside.
Tomoka had the right to yell at him, to insult him, to cry out in pain for what he had done to her. For what *they* had done... since according to Jiroh and Hanamura-sensei, Kawamura had now TWO Others inside of his body, mind, and soul. One was the Kawamura she had loved, another had once tried to grope her but never did anything that could harm her seriously... but the other...
A cold wind blew, and Tomoka instictively braced herself. She was freezing, dammit.
"Look, I..." Takashi trailed off. What was he about to say? He realized he hadn't even thought about what he would do the next time he met Tomoka. Really he'd pushed it all far outside of his mind, and had focused on his new life at the Brotherhood. He knew now he had been stupid to think this issue would never come up again.
"There's things we need...to...talk about," He managed to say, and felt his face getting even redder. Confrontation was not his strongest suit. He hated conflict--in fact, he avoided it at all times if he could. Now there was nothing he could do except hope that Tomoka would listen and try to understand.
Tomoka tried to get her voice to work, but until the wind stopped blowing and Kawamura actually spoke to her, she couldn't. Oh dear. To think that she used to be the one getting their relationship going, and did it okay until those two encounters in the music room.
But he had asked to talk about it. And they were in the downtown area, where none of the three Kawamuras would be able to attack her. After the paranoia brought by the horrible mess in the Nakano mall, with An's brother and his friend...
Still looking at him hard, she wordlessly picked up her stuff and nodded. She had to face her own actions, and right now.
He watched her nod, and felt confused. Yes they needed to talk? Or was she planning to just leave? He stepped forward and touched her arm lightly. He didn't want to grab her; it might scare her off, might make her think he wasn't who he said he was.
"Tomoka, you have to hear me out. What happened--that day--it wasn't my fault. Well it was. MY fault, I mean...I...ah..." He stopped. Babbling again. So smooth, Burn commented. I bet she's real mad. Maybe she'll kick you in the nuts.
Takashi frowned and snapped at Burn. He was getting really mad now. "Why don't you just shut up, okay?" He said angrily, and grimaced. Had he said that out loud?
Tomoka had barely realized that he was touching her. Yet, when he said out loud "Why don't you just shut up, okay?", she jerked away by instinct.
She then realized that he was more talking to himself than to her, so Tomoka could bet that his Others were either protesting or laughing at him. Still shaking from the shock, but somewhat calmer than before, the girl finally managed to speak.
"... You're gonna talk to me or not then, Kawamura-san?".
She remarked the last words as a way to establish some distance between them. While she *was* willing to hear his side of the story, it was up to her to see if it was good enough to avoid the bitchslapping.
Takashi swallowed thickly. Suddenly his throat and mouth felt incredibly dry. "I *do* want to talk," he explained. "They're just....being noisy." He said, motioning to his temples.
He paused. "That day. It wasn't me. Well it was, for the first little bit, and then the new one showed up. We...I call him Sleepy, because he can put people to sleep with a touch." He wondered how strange this would all sound to anyone other than a fellow mutant.
He scuffed his foot on the ground. "When he left the institute I switched back. I couldn't return so I just kept going and I ended up at the other school--I'm...I'm guessing you know which one."
... That wasn't new. Of course she had come to know thanks to Jiroh-kun, Hanamura-sensei and Ohtori-sempai. What Kawamura was saying just confirmed everything that she either guessed or was told. So...
"... I know that, Kawamura-san," she murmured, her voice barely audible. "Hanamura-sensei mentioned the new Other..." Of course she'd never tell him the role that Jiroh had in the whole mess; too much risk to put him through. "And Ohtori-sempai told me the rest".
Tomoka didn't notice, but her confusion caused a very soft golden glow to surround her. Thank God they were alone. "Kawamura-san... care to tell me something that we don't know already? Like how I've been lying to my classmates, telling them that I had an accident during the cleaning, to cover up how Sleepy almost killed me? Or how I've blamed myself for being unable to help you, to fill my promise to protect you? Or... something like this?".
With a slightly trembling hand, Tomoka lifted the bangs covering her left temple to show him the scar that Sleep gave her as he threw her against the wall of the music room, months ago. The proof of what happened between then, and a memento of her own shame and pain.
Takashi recoiled slightly, and felt a sick feeling pool in his stomach. Had he done this? It was obviously just a scar now, and no longer caused her any pain....but he couldn't help feeling so damn guilty about it. Oops, Sleepy drawled. Did I do that?
Takashi shook his head and ignored him. If Tomoka knew everything....why hadn't she tried to contact him? He'd been silent, yes; but certainly not unreachable.
"If you know then why are you still angry? Can't you....don't you see how sorry I am for all of this? I never wanted it to happen."
"... Because I didn't know where you were, spent many days in the medlab, thought that you didn't want to see me, had to help the people of Ryuhana after the earthquake and even later because we were having quite hard times? I had no time to think about anything but them and my training, Kawamura-san... and that's an excuse, I know."
Tomoka's hazel eyes would be full of shimmering, diamond-like tears in shoujo manga... but this was real life, and in RL things weren't that pretty. Even for a girl whose powers could create beautiful fireworks to cover the ugliness.
Her voice softened a little, as she took a deep breath and spoke again. "Kawamura-san, I believe *you* when you say *you* are sorry... but what about your Others, huh? I don't think Sleep will just repent about that, or that he won't try to hurt us both again. And I will never forget that I was the one who caused this... because it's my fault too, dammit."
She wasn't crying. And that was what scared her the most.
Takashi was taken aback by her statement. *Her* fault? It had been his choice to run away to the Brotherhood. He hadn't actually broken up with her -- *that* had been Sleepy, in his woman-hating mode. But *were they sorry*?
"No," Takashi admitted. He hadn't even asked them. He didn't have to. Burn didn't care what happened to anyone other than himself, and Sleepy didn't like Tomoka. At all. "They're...they're not sorry. But I am!"
It was a horrible feeling, knowing that someone you cared about thought of you as....as something to be afraid of. A monster. He didn't want to hurt anyone. It was just these...people living in his head...they did things when they were out that he could never take back and he knew it.
Even though he still knew he felt something for her, Takashi didn't think she'd be willing to continue what they had had before. Sure, it hadn't been anything too intense. But he'd enjoyed spending time with her, and he really did have strong feelings for her. But now...
"So what...ah...do we do now?" He asked slowly. "We--I mean I--still want to...be...friends. I just. I get the feeling you're never going to completely forgive me. Or us. Or...them. Whatever." He stuttered slightly, and stared at the ground in embarassment. He didn't want to tell her outright that he had feelings for--for someone else. He still had them for her... but they'd lost their intensity now. And if they did still prusue a relationship... there was always the chance that one of his Others would try to hurt her in the future. He didn't want to risk it.
Tomoka again felt like the heroine of a bad shoujo, apologizing so much and hearing him apologize as well. She knew he was sincere, she could see it in his eyes and sense it in his voice and attitude, and she still cared for the real Takashi Kawamura... but...
The slight glow finally went away. "I... I don't know what to really think. You're honest and I know it... but...".
They were standing rather close to each other, so she made an effort. After leaving her bags on the snow, she lifted her gloved hand and touched Kawamura's face.
Much to her dismay, for a second Tomoka *really* wanted to slap him, then run away. But she resisted that urge, and kept her covered fingers pressed against his cheek, trying to give him this (maybe last) proof of faith, to prove to both of them that Tomoka still wanted to trust him...
Takashi couldn't think straight. He was so completely, utterly confused--he wanted so much to reconcile with her and move on, but part of him lingered with his memories of Tomoka and his time at Ryuhana. He did like her... but he didn't know if the feelings were still the same. If they were really even there.
He stared at her for a long, agonizing moment, and lowered his head to capture her lips in a kiss.
She was shocked when he came up with this. In all of her relationships (friendly, romantic, familiar), Tomoka was the one leading all on. Even in that sort of meeting with Yuushi-san and all that happened, or in her meetings with Wakato-kun (what was he really to her, anyway? She couldn't help but feeling attracted to him, but feeling and acting were two different things...) she had refused to fully give the other person any chance to take the lead.
And yet...
And yet, yes, Takashi was kissing her. It felt... not completely wrong, but not so right as it used to. Because she knew that his Others would be thinking something different, and she barely had a way to know it.
She placed her hands on his chest (To touch him more? To push him away if he or his Others stepped out of line? She didn't know) and allowed him to continue. Either take it or leave it, Tomoka. No mediums now.
In his mind Takashi was surprised--he'd never been this forward. Ever. Though disgusted, Sleepy resigned to giving him credit for taking the initiative. Even if...
It's not the same, Burn said, sounding annoyed. Don't lead her on like this, you moron. Don't be an ass.
Takashi wanted to keep going, just for the chance to have some sort of human contact other than the people in his head.... but he knew that although he did enjoy kissing her, Tomoka was really nothing more to him now than a good friend.
He reach up and clasped her hands, pulling them down between them. He broke off the kiss with a sigh, and watch as the puffs of hot breath floated before him. He was blushing furiously, but this was past being awkward and embarassing. He only prayed she felt the same way...h e prayed she felt that there was nothing more to them than this now.
"Tomoka...you...I..." He didn't know what to say. He'd used up his courage in that unexpected kiss. "There's someone else I'm interested in."
She was surprised at how dull the bits of pain felt. Maybe she had gotten better into predicting the reactions of someone else than herself? She didn't think so, but hey.
"Honestly said... the same happens to me, Taka-san," she told him. "I have feelings for another friend of mine. Not too sure on what the hell they are, or if I shall pursue them with all that's happening now. I honestly can't think of myself now. I have my family and the Ryuhana people to take care of...".
She hadn't noticed, but it was snowing. Okay, just starting to snow, but at this rate who cared.
Takashi was startled. She had moved on, too? So...so he really wasn't the bad guy, then? Instantly he felt a surge of relief.
"Tha's wonderful!" He laughed,and rubbed the back of his head in embarassment. "I was afraid you'd hate me and...ahm...I didn't...oh...I don't know."
He paused, and looked down at her seriously. "Are we...are we okay then?" He asked. He was talking about the kiss... him running away... the music room incident... he was talking about everything between them. He wanted everything to be all right. He wanted, desperately, to talk to Tomoka. He knew she'd be the one to cheer him up, cheer him on. To help him make sense out of the jumble of emotions and thoughts in his head. He wasn't ashamed to admit he'd missed everything about her -- even if it was no longer romantic between them.
Since when their roles were reversed? She used to be the one pushing the man into action, and right now he was the one reassuring her. Damn, would she tell him that the man she was starting to develop feelings for was also from the Brotherhood, and that another one of *them* just...? Oh, shit, what the Hell...?
At the same time, though, Tomoka desperately wanted to believe that, in Real Life, the old cliché of "All couples going under a bad break-up must hate each other!" wasn't true. Tomoka was willing to change her fate and make others smile, like Hanmura-sensei made her promise when she invited her to come to Ryuhana; maybe there were times when it didn't work (she briefly remembered Fuji-sempai and Marui-kun), but she wouldn't give up.
Also, now that she was lotsa more powerful than in that crisis moment, she would handle Sleep and Burn much better if they stepped out of line. Since Takashi Kawamura was willing to attempt patching up things... Tomoka Osakada didn't want to be less than him.
Challenge accepted!
Her decision taken, Tomoka made some brighter rainbow sparkles appear.
"I'm not sure if it'll be okay...," she started. She wasn't so stupid to believe that the cracks in the porcelain would disappear like dust in the wind. "But will I know if it can improve... if I don't attempt to, you see, do something?".
Tomoka wasn't smiling coyly or anything to make herself look cuter. "I'm willing to try. Just... time will be needed, eh? And to Sleep and Burn...".
The girl pointed at the ground and released a small laser beam. She felt proud of the results of her training; as much as it drained her and how... "special" her instructor was, it *did* work, and she wouldn't be helpless against his Others anymore.
"Try to hurt me, guys. I dare you to."
Takashi leapt back and stared at the charred ground. Since when could Tomoka do that?
Whoa. Shit. This girl's packing. Burn said, and seemed mildly impressed. Sleepy said nothing. Even though he was suddenly very afraid to get on her bad side, Takashi couldn't help but laugh.
"That was....incredible. You've really been training." He smiled and shrugged. "We've been training ourselves but...Burn can't do anything nearly as cool as that." Hey, came an indignant reply.
As for being okay, Takashi knew he'd just have to accept her "maybe". For now, that was good enough for him. He helped her gather all the bags she was carryign and shouldered his own. If he didn't hurry back, he might not be able to get that sweater before the store closed.
"So. Ahm...I'll...see you around then?"
"I'm going home, actually," she told him in a nonchalant tone, but after seeing the change in his expression she deduced that Burn and Sleep would, from now on, think twice before messing with her. And boy, did that flatter Tomoka. "Tomorrow. And I'm taking Akutagawa Jiroh with me. The dreamcatching blond boy, remember him?."
She took her bags and purse from him and smiled. "Hey... don't we have some minutes to ourselves now, before the stores are closed? You know... I still don't have a decent gift to you. And since the real Taka does deserve one... heh, if you want it, let's go".
Tomoka also needed to get moving. The snowflakes were still falling lightly on them as they left the park, and she'd better move and do something to forget about the cold.
He paused, and remembered what he was still carrying in his bag. He'd purchased it earlier today on a whim, not even realizing he'd been thinking about her when he had. He supposed now would be the best time to give it to her.
"Wait...um. I have, ahm....this....." He reached into his bag and shifted around things until he found it, not wrapped but placed into a decorative bag with pink tissue paper. He blushed and looked away. "It's nothing special I just...I don't even know why I..."
He gave it to her, and decided now would be the best time to make his exit. He didn't mean to make it look odd, but he'd had enough awkwardness for one day...and they'd be able to talk later, at any rate.
The girl just stared at his retreating back, not knowing if she should chase him and start throwing snowballs at him (like she did to her friends whenever they pulled out something like that in those times) or... what the Hell. Were this manga, she wou'dve either gone chibi or sweatdrop like mad... or throw Something Real Big at him.
But he was gone already. No use thinking of the "what if's" now, eh?
Her curiosity piqued, Tomoka came back to the bench, sat down with her bags on her lap and slowly opened the package. It was a blue and white jewelry box, with a transparent lid that had the word "Moment" written in English with golden letters.
She opened it as well, and a slow carillon melody filled the cold air. Tomoka easily recognized the song it played as a cute pop one that was very popular some years ago, so she briefly sang to its tune.
I don't understand. Ah, I don't understand any more.
I want to throw off my confusion, and go running after you.
Say you'll take me to... Ah, please say you'll take me with you again,
to a place I can never return from. (1)
It didn't exactly fit to their situation, but she didn't feel that as being necessarily of life and death. They were just starting to patch things up, after all...
Few hours later, when Tomoka was sleeping in her room at the dorm, the gifts she had purchased (which also included a small wristwatch for Takashi; she'd give him later) were on her desk - and so was the music box, which contained the hair ribbons and the friendship bracelet given to her by Jiroh.
***
(1): The song used is "Moment", performed by Mariko Kouda. It's the infamous insert song from the Marmalade Boy. And the music box that Taka gives to Tomoka is based on the one Yuu gave Miki as a gift during episode 22 (The double date with Meiko and Miwa). More info here: The Marmalade Handbook.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}