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Feb. 9th, 2006 10:49 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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tenipuri_xpRated: PG
Dated: The evening after the mission with Shinji.
Summary: Shishido tries to save his relationship with Ohtori.
After his mission with Shinji, and then the wake up call Blackguard had given him, Ohtori had again found himself curled up on the floor beside the older mutant's bed and snuggling part of the med bay blankets that had rolled off and spilled to the floor, making his own small nest of sorts. The silver haired mutant had fallen into a trouble sleep, still shaking slightly while he tried healing and staying warm at the same time. At least the burns had been electrical in nature, so he was healing from that part faster than expected.
Cuddling a little more into the blankets with a worried frown, he knew he'd have to wake up eventually and go talk to Shishido. And he still had that mission Blackguard gave him. The only reason he'd bothered waking in the first place was because the other had told him to, and now that he had gone back to sleep, it was the electrical mutant's turn as well.
Shishido had been pacing the inside of his room for the past hour and a half trying to sort out what he was going to say to Ohtori and how. He only had three minutes and he realized with horror that it wasn't that much time. He decided on the direct approach and hoped that would get enough of the point across that he'd been given more time to go into explanations.
Walking down the hall outside the infirmary, Shishido took one last minute to compose himself. He was sure he didn't look all that hot, but he wasn't expecting to win Ohtori back with his looks anyway, so it didn't matter. In fact, it would probably be worse if he did look great. Shishido didn't want Ohtori thinking that he was doing fine without him.
Peering in through the infirmary door he didn't see anyone wandering around, or a shock of silver hair. Opening the door he walked in quietly, it wouldn't do to wake up anyone if they were sleeping, especially Blackguard. Peaking around a corner he spotted Ohtori, laying on the floor twisted up in some sheets, a sleeping Blackguard on the bed above him. Great, now what? Should he just come back later or see if the other was awake enough for talking? And was he shivering?
He was shivering, after several hours of bordering hypothermia that was expected. A person needed energy to keep warm, and he had expended enough to make that a bit of a struggle. At least the blankets were warm and he was slowly warming himself again. Shifting and rolling against the ice cold metal leg of the bed, he jerked away and groaned under his breath, realizing he should be smart about this and go get his comforter from his room or return to the bed he was assigned while he reenergized. Groggily peering out from his blankets, he yawned and rubbed his arms. No more letting Shinji drag him anywhere. EVER.
Seeing the other shiver in his sleep, Shishido went to scavenge extra blankets and maybe a pillow or two from some of the empty beds. He cared more about Ohtori being healthy and well rested then his own problems, he could always come back in the morning. The wait would probably kill him, but he deserved it for being such an ass.
Returning to Ohtori's side, he kept a weary eye on Blackguard as he started fanning out the blankets and placing them on Ohtori, so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even realize that the taller teen was more or less awake.
He heard the footsteps on the tiles, and saw a pair of feet across the floor under the edge of Blackguard’s bed. But once you’ve seen one pair of feet, you’ve probably seen them all. Snuggling deeper under the sheets, he felt someone over him, putting blankets on his shaking shoulders. It wouldn’t be the staff, they’d have shooed him back to his own bed. And if he was in this bad of shape himself, there was no way it was Shinji or Blackguard. That only left one person.
”Shishido-san.” He tilted his head up to confirm his suspicions, and sure enough, there was a rather bedraggled looking Shishido complete with ruffled wings.
Whoops, he hadn't meant to wake Ohtori up, and his voice sounded tired.
"Yeah, don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you." Shishido whispered comfortingly, it was weird to have to tell the other he wasn't going to hurt him, but he felt that it had to be said now. "Just go back to sleep, we can talk in the morning." If he was going to spill his heart out to the other, he at least wanted to make sure Ohtori was coherent for it.
Sitting up and yawning again, he stretched slightly and looked at the other. “No, I’m awake.” He glanced back at Blackguard’s sleeping form with a small frown; he just didn’t want to disturb the other. “We can talk outside. I think he’ll be asleep a while longer.” He just wanted to get this over with, and then forget it. He was still a bit tired from the mission, but at least it seemed to have a numbing effect, or he surely would have cried upon the warning he was not going to be hurt.
Silently nodding, Shishido held the last blanket and moved out into the hall, feathers brushing against the wall quietly as he walked. He wasn't really sure how to start now. In all of his scenarios he had thought up, putting blankets on a shivery Ohtori, who if he was honest, looked like death warmed over, wasn't a variable. Shuffling a bit from foot to foot as his wings twitched he waited as calmly as he could for Ohtori to join him and shut the door. He used the time to try to think up a new game plan, fiddling with the blanket in his hands.
Rising slowly, being very careful to not move the blankets and disturb the other, he grabbed one from the top and wrapped it over him much like he had with the white quilt when he’d shown up here in the first place, realizing he felt safer that way, he headed slowly out to the hallway, closing the door quietly after looking one more time at Blackguard’s sleeping form. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
Turning to look at Shishido calmly as he could manage, he nibbled on his lower lip and fiddled with his cross and wishbone at his throat. “Okay. I can’t stay long; I don’t want him waking up alone.”
Shishido hated how defensive Ohtori was being around him. He hadn't seen that since the other had first arrived at the school, but it wasn't like he didn't understand why. Breaking someone's heart into a million pieces certainly didn't endear you to a person. He just hoped it wasn't too late to make amends. And well, if it was, it was just a good thing he was stubborn.
"I get three minutes." Shishido said a bit more defensively than he'd liked. But Hell, did Ohtori have to follow Blackguard around like a little puppy dog?
Peering out from the blanket, he studied the other. It looked like he hadn’t been resting well either, and he was half-tempted to just insist they both waited a while before this talk and went to sleep.
”I know.” He waited…
Looking at tired and waiting brown eyes, Shishido took a deep breath and swallowed thickly. His wings were beyond ruffled and he couldn't get them to stop twitching but there was no way he wasn't going to do this. "Ch-Choutarou... I know I've been an ass and that uh... I just want to say that I... I mean I ... Shit!" He swore at the end of a stumbling sentence, he'd practiced this, he knew what he wanted to say, why was this so hard? Probably because Ohtori was looking at him like he was dirt and without a trace of the usual adoration.
With a shake of his head, sending half brushed hair around his head Shishido decided to just bite the bullet and spill all. "Look, Choutarou, I'm an ass, I warned you I was a jerk and an idiot but you gave me a chance anyway." He paused hoping to see another chance lurking under the blankets but failed, so he kept rambling. "I make mistakes, and well my fuck ups seem to be worse then others because I tend to miss the obvious. And I really really really shouldn't have missed it this time and I feel like dirt that I did. But the thing is..." He let out a breath and bowed low, hair cascading off his shoulders and hiding his face. "I love you Ohtori Choutarou and I'm so sorry I said things that hurt you." There, he had said it. But he didn't dare look up from his position. He couldn't take a cold stare from normally warm brown eyes right now.
Wincing at the loud obscenity, he sank deeper into his cocoon. Even when he was certain he’d heard his given name instead of his mutant one, or even his family name he sunk deeper into the shell. Now that he was going to apologize and at least try and be friends, or cover his own back he decided to use it? Frowning all the more and trying to keep from sobbing again, he had already decided that he had shed far too many tears over this winged mutant. But he had promised him three minutes, and just like the promise to never electrocute him, he intended to keep his word even if no one else ever could keep theirs around him.
He wanted to point out that the differences between when he missed the obvious and Shishido did, was at least he never hurt anyone like that. Part of the reason he stayed put was the fact that the other was baring his soul right now, and secondly the sharp pain in his chest as his heart clawed up his throat and made his legs tremble more than before. The bow and confession finished the job and made him stumble back into the wall, catching a small choked sound in his throat. Covering his face, he slid down the wall. “Sh-Shishido-san…you can’t say things like that unless you mean them. It’s cruel.”
Shishido looked up at the stuttering of his name but any hope was completely dashed as Ohtori finished speaking. Judging that he still had time left, or at least Ohtori wasn't telling him to get lost yet, he made another plea, trying to catch the other's eye now so he could see how serious he was, he bent down. "You think I'm not serious?" He asked with disbelief. "Hell, I'm an idiot and a jerk, but I'm not that much of a bastard." He stepped a bit closer to Ohtori and kneeled in front of him, careful to give him room to flee if he wanted. "I love you, and I probably have for months. Why else would I tell my parents about liking guys, or plan on signing up for stupid German language courses? I was just too stupid to realize it." No that wasn't quite right, He shook his head and wiped at his eyes. "No, I knew it, I wouldn't care so damn much about you if I didn't, I guess I was just too scared of it."
Daring to reach out a hand Shishido rested it gently on where he suspect Ohtori's shoulder was under the blanket - his own blanket dropped and forgotten several long minutes ago. "What I said to you the other night was pretty much all lies. Except, when I love someone I love them with my whole heart. And I've never loved anyone besides my family like that, and it's scary. And then to love a man, though a sexy and wonderful and kind man, it was scary too." He was rambling again, and he didn't even know what he was rambling about.
"Look, I know I fucked up big time this time, and I know I hurt you and probably don't deserve you, but I love you, and I well I can work at the other two things, there isn't a damn thing I can do about that. You can tell me to go away, but I'm going to keep on loving you." Shishido pleaded one last time, vaguely wondering if love confessions were supposed to sound like obsessed stalkers talking.
Watching the other from inside the blanket, he sighed. Did he mean it, or was he just desperate? Ohtori was afraid to take another gamble and get hurt again, terrified. He wanted to back away, run and hide back with Blackguard.
”You know it won’t be the same…” He managed, surprising even himself. He wasn’t even certain why he was doing this. It was begging to be hurt again. Blackguard had made it clear that he deserved much better than this, fearing being hurt and then left for another warm bed again. He just had to try one more time. “But you can’t just stop loving someone no matter how much you want to.”
Shishido's face brightened at the soft words, "So you're forgiving me?" He asked. He couldn't believe how lucky he was, or maybe how wonderful the man he loved was. "Thank you!" He said grabbing Ohtori into a hug, his wings grazing the wall to curl around them slightly. "You won't regret this. I'll never say mean things to you again no matter how scared I get or what stupid ideas get into my head. I promise." He whispered into Ohtori's ear, or at least the blanket covering his ear. It didn't matter if it wouldn't be the same, he'd make it better. As long as he had the chance to continually express his love to Ohtori nothing else mattered.
He was surprised himself. Why was he doing this, he should have never trusted the ‘Birdyboy’ as Blackguard put it. But any resolve to blow him off was destroyed in the familiar winged embrace he’d grown to love. Ohtori lowered his head onto the other’s shoulder and sighed. He made no real attempt to hug the other back, instead just patting his back gently. It would take some time to forgive him entirely. “Just don’t run off into other people’s beds anymore, it’ll kill me.”
"Hell no." Shishido said vehemently, clutching Ohtori tighter against him. "Why would I want to sleep in anyone's bed but yours?" He asked a bit more calmly. What happened with Oshitari was a mistake for both of them and thankfully hadn't gotten very far, but if just those comments about where and how he had slept had hurt his Ohtori, well he'd have to make sure to be less stupid in the future.
"And I don't suppose you want to come out of hiding now?" He asked gently tugging at the blanket still cocooning his boyfriend. And wow, did it feel strange to think of Ohtori like that, but strange in this breath stopping exhilarating way. It no longer made him freeze him up and want to flee, and he was thankful for that.
“OK,” he mumbled softly against the other’s shoulder, still patting his lower back comfortingly. He was not about to comment on the obvious, or the fact that it was Oshitari, and how he didn’t want to ever think of his boyfriend sleeping on someone else, much less with.
”Not hiding Shishido-san. I’m trying not to freeze.” He snuggled in just a little closer, the wings acting as an insulation from the hallway, and cold air that seemed to take them over at any time of night.
Shishido felt tension he didn't realize he had when Ohtori didn't pursue the 'sleeping' topic any further. He was fairly ashamed of what he did and why, and even if it made sense then it was still a stupid thing to do. Though if Ohtori ever asked, he would tell him and deal with the consequences. Not only did he suck at lying because of his wings, but he didn't want to lie to Ohtori at all.
Shifting so that Ohtori was far enough from the wall, Shishido wrapped his wings fully around the taller mutant. "Why the hell are you so cold anyway?" He asked. Yeah, Ohtori tended to get cool and liked to bundle, but never like this.
Yeah, the feathers definitely helped. He leaned in and let the ‘hood’ part of the blanket fall off, even if it meant cold cheeks. He liked seeing the other when they hugged, so it was a reasonable sacrifice in his opinion. Shivering faintly again, Ohtori buried his head in the juncture of Shishido’s neck and shoulder. “Shinji borrowed me for a mission last night, we both got burned out.” As if that would explain everything, but he was always trying to be the optimist.
Oh yeah, snuggling was very nice. Shishido wondered why he ever thought his life would be better without Ohtori in it. Who cares if they were both boys when it felt this good. He reached up a hand to run fingers through silver hair and froze. "You what?!" He asked, his wings ruffling around him. "Are you ok? Were you hurt? What was Shinji thinking?" He questioned one after another, eyes searching Ohtori's as if they would tell him the answer. Like hell he was going to lose Ohtori to some stupid mission.
”I helped him last night. Blackguard’s putting me on some of his missions too.” But he was not kidnapping anyone. He leaned into the hand tangled in messy silver spikes and smiled slightly against the other’s neck. “I’m okay. I just wore myself out. Poor Shinji’s blue, I was but if electricity is involved I guess I usually recover faster.” He was rambling now. “We rigged an election.”
Shishido growled low in his throat at the mention of Blackguard. He didn't understand why he was always making Ohtori go out on dangerous missions, especially after he had saved him from harm several months ago. But Shishido wasn't a complete idiot, he knew that, for some reason, Ohtori liked him, so he kept quiet about commenting on what he thought about Blackguard's missions.
Besides, someone turning blue was a bit of a higher priority. "I guess I should make sure Shinji's okay too. Blue might be okay for his cat, but it's not healthy for humans." Shishido said, continuing his soft petting of Ohtori's hair. "And a whole election? That's pretty fucking awesome." He remembered seeing a bit of news coverage about the shocking from behind victory or something like that. He wanted to ask Ohtori more, but the kid was still tired and cold, and it's not like he really had the right to keep him up talking.
"I guess you should go lay down. It's been more than three minutes, and you're still shivering a bit." Not that Shishido wanted to let Ohtori out of his arms, but he was still a jerk and then there was Blackguard in the equation. He bit back his growl this time.
Yeah, they wouldn't even let me see Shinji this morning when I woke up. Make sure he's okay for me?" He was rather fond and a bit protective of most of the mutants at the BH. He wanted to be a good Brother like Blackguard and help keep them safe, and keep them all from being harmed as he had been.
"Yeah- but it hurt doing that. And I think you should check in on him, we know I'll be okay." He finally pulled the other into the hug and smiled slightly against his neck. "We'll talk more about this. Goodnight, Shishido-san..."
Shishido smiled as he was fully embraced by Ohtori, feeling as though he could stay like that forever, despite knowing they both needed some well needed rest. "I'll look on in him. Can't have the blue team falling behind." He commented, holding Ohtori a bit closer to him at how such a task had hurt him.
"It was still really cool. I'm proud of you for helping to change things for the better without using violence." Not an easy thing when Ohtori's power leaned towards the destructive variety. "And yeah, we can talk more later." He more muttered than spoke into Ohtori's hair. He wasn't looking forward to more talking, especially since the other would probably be more awake then and asking some tough questions.
"But right now, get to bed." He commanded, pulling back from the embrace so he could look in the other's brown eyes, they seemed less sad now, though not quite back to the happy hopeful expression he usually wore. "And I... love you." He whispered quietly. Not that the moment of confessions and groveling had passed, saying it felt like so much more. It felt like something that should only be shared between the two of them for nobody else to overhear. Giving the other a brief and chaste kiss, He stood and pulled the Ohtori blanket bundle up with him, "Sleep well, okay." He said.
Resting against him, he sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He smiled a little more and nodded. He wasn’t going to say it back, not yet. So, he smiled and kissed him back gently, rubbing the side of his arm. “You too, Shishido-san.” They both needed to get some rest, he’d worry about Oshitari-san and Shishido sleeping together another day, when he wasn’t dead on his feet. Leaning forward, he smiled and kissed him one more time before moving off to the med-bay. At least now he had some good news to tell the slumbering Blackguard.
It hurt a bit to not hear the shy little whisper of 'love you' again that he had only heard once, but he understood. He didn't like it, but it was his own stupid fault so he had no right to complain. He'd earn the right to hear it over time and with patience. It was the least he could to do for Ohtori. He was pleased to get a few more kisses in though and told Ohtori to have a good night once more before watching him disappear into the med bay. Releasing a long sigh, Shishido realized that that had gone a lot better than it could have and was thankful for his luck. Now he'd just have to prove to his boyfriend that he really did love him and only him.
Dated: The evening after the mission with Shinji.
Summary: Shishido tries to save his relationship with Ohtori.
After his mission with Shinji, and then the wake up call Blackguard had given him, Ohtori had again found himself curled up on the floor beside the older mutant's bed and snuggling part of the med bay blankets that had rolled off and spilled to the floor, making his own small nest of sorts. The silver haired mutant had fallen into a trouble sleep, still shaking slightly while he tried healing and staying warm at the same time. At least the burns had been electrical in nature, so he was healing from that part faster than expected.
Cuddling a little more into the blankets with a worried frown, he knew he'd have to wake up eventually and go talk to Shishido. And he still had that mission Blackguard gave him. The only reason he'd bothered waking in the first place was because the other had told him to, and now that he had gone back to sleep, it was the electrical mutant's turn as well.
Shishido had been pacing the inside of his room for the past hour and a half trying to sort out what he was going to say to Ohtori and how. He only had three minutes and he realized with horror that it wasn't that much time. He decided on the direct approach and hoped that would get enough of the point across that he'd been given more time to go into explanations.
Walking down the hall outside the infirmary, Shishido took one last minute to compose himself. He was sure he didn't look all that hot, but he wasn't expecting to win Ohtori back with his looks anyway, so it didn't matter. In fact, it would probably be worse if he did look great. Shishido didn't want Ohtori thinking that he was doing fine without him.
Peering in through the infirmary door he didn't see anyone wandering around, or a shock of silver hair. Opening the door he walked in quietly, it wouldn't do to wake up anyone if they were sleeping, especially Blackguard. Peaking around a corner he spotted Ohtori, laying on the floor twisted up in some sheets, a sleeping Blackguard on the bed above him. Great, now what? Should he just come back later or see if the other was awake enough for talking? And was he shivering?
He was shivering, after several hours of bordering hypothermia that was expected. A person needed energy to keep warm, and he had expended enough to make that a bit of a struggle. At least the blankets were warm and he was slowly warming himself again. Shifting and rolling against the ice cold metal leg of the bed, he jerked away and groaned under his breath, realizing he should be smart about this and go get his comforter from his room or return to the bed he was assigned while he reenergized. Groggily peering out from his blankets, he yawned and rubbed his arms. No more letting Shinji drag him anywhere. EVER.
Seeing the other shiver in his sleep, Shishido went to scavenge extra blankets and maybe a pillow or two from some of the empty beds. He cared more about Ohtori being healthy and well rested then his own problems, he could always come back in the morning. The wait would probably kill him, but he deserved it for being such an ass.
Returning to Ohtori's side, he kept a weary eye on Blackguard as he started fanning out the blankets and placing them on Ohtori, so lost in his thoughts that he didn't even realize that the taller teen was more or less awake.
He heard the footsteps on the tiles, and saw a pair of feet across the floor under the edge of Blackguard’s bed. But once you’ve seen one pair of feet, you’ve probably seen them all. Snuggling deeper under the sheets, he felt someone over him, putting blankets on his shaking shoulders. It wouldn’t be the staff, they’d have shooed him back to his own bed. And if he was in this bad of shape himself, there was no way it was Shinji or Blackguard. That only left one person.
”Shishido-san.” He tilted his head up to confirm his suspicions, and sure enough, there was a rather bedraggled looking Shishido complete with ruffled wings.
Whoops, he hadn't meant to wake Ohtori up, and his voice sounded tired.
"Yeah, don't worry, I'm not gonna hurt you." Shishido whispered comfortingly, it was weird to have to tell the other he wasn't going to hurt him, but he felt that it had to be said now. "Just go back to sleep, we can talk in the morning." If he was going to spill his heart out to the other, he at least wanted to make sure Ohtori was coherent for it.
Sitting up and yawning again, he stretched slightly and looked at the other. “No, I’m awake.” He glanced back at Blackguard’s sleeping form with a small frown; he just didn’t want to disturb the other. “We can talk outside. I think he’ll be asleep a while longer.” He just wanted to get this over with, and then forget it. He was still a bit tired from the mission, but at least it seemed to have a numbing effect, or he surely would have cried upon the warning he was not going to be hurt.
Silently nodding, Shishido held the last blanket and moved out into the hall, feathers brushing against the wall quietly as he walked. He wasn't really sure how to start now. In all of his scenarios he had thought up, putting blankets on a shivery Ohtori, who if he was honest, looked like death warmed over, wasn't a variable. Shuffling a bit from foot to foot as his wings twitched he waited as calmly as he could for Ohtori to join him and shut the door. He used the time to try to think up a new game plan, fiddling with the blanket in his hands.
Rising slowly, being very careful to not move the blankets and disturb the other, he grabbed one from the top and wrapped it over him much like he had with the white quilt when he’d shown up here in the first place, realizing he felt safer that way, he headed slowly out to the hallway, closing the door quietly after looking one more time at Blackguard’s sleeping form. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
Turning to look at Shishido calmly as he could manage, he nibbled on his lower lip and fiddled with his cross and wishbone at his throat. “Okay. I can’t stay long; I don’t want him waking up alone.”
Shishido hated how defensive Ohtori was being around him. He hadn't seen that since the other had first arrived at the school, but it wasn't like he didn't understand why. Breaking someone's heart into a million pieces certainly didn't endear you to a person. He just hoped it wasn't too late to make amends. And well, if it was, it was just a good thing he was stubborn.
"I get three minutes." Shishido said a bit more defensively than he'd liked. But Hell, did Ohtori have to follow Blackguard around like a little puppy dog?
Peering out from the blanket, he studied the other. It looked like he hadn’t been resting well either, and he was half-tempted to just insist they both waited a while before this talk and went to sleep.
”I know.” He waited…
Looking at tired and waiting brown eyes, Shishido took a deep breath and swallowed thickly. His wings were beyond ruffled and he couldn't get them to stop twitching but there was no way he wasn't going to do this. "Ch-Choutarou... I know I've been an ass and that uh... I just want to say that I... I mean I ... Shit!" He swore at the end of a stumbling sentence, he'd practiced this, he knew what he wanted to say, why was this so hard? Probably because Ohtori was looking at him like he was dirt and without a trace of the usual adoration.
With a shake of his head, sending half brushed hair around his head Shishido decided to just bite the bullet and spill all. "Look, Choutarou, I'm an ass, I warned you I was a jerk and an idiot but you gave me a chance anyway." He paused hoping to see another chance lurking under the blankets but failed, so he kept rambling. "I make mistakes, and well my fuck ups seem to be worse then others because I tend to miss the obvious. And I really really really shouldn't have missed it this time and I feel like dirt that I did. But the thing is..." He let out a breath and bowed low, hair cascading off his shoulders and hiding his face. "I love you Ohtori Choutarou and I'm so sorry I said things that hurt you." There, he had said it. But he didn't dare look up from his position. He couldn't take a cold stare from normally warm brown eyes right now.
Wincing at the loud obscenity, he sank deeper into his cocoon. Even when he was certain he’d heard his given name instead of his mutant one, or even his family name he sunk deeper into the shell. Now that he was going to apologize and at least try and be friends, or cover his own back he decided to use it? Frowning all the more and trying to keep from sobbing again, he had already decided that he had shed far too many tears over this winged mutant. But he had promised him three minutes, and just like the promise to never electrocute him, he intended to keep his word even if no one else ever could keep theirs around him.
He wanted to point out that the differences between when he missed the obvious and Shishido did, was at least he never hurt anyone like that. Part of the reason he stayed put was the fact that the other was baring his soul right now, and secondly the sharp pain in his chest as his heart clawed up his throat and made his legs tremble more than before. The bow and confession finished the job and made him stumble back into the wall, catching a small choked sound in his throat. Covering his face, he slid down the wall. “Sh-Shishido-san…you can’t say things like that unless you mean them. It’s cruel.”
Shishido looked up at the stuttering of his name but any hope was completely dashed as Ohtori finished speaking. Judging that he still had time left, or at least Ohtori wasn't telling him to get lost yet, he made another plea, trying to catch the other's eye now so he could see how serious he was, he bent down. "You think I'm not serious?" He asked with disbelief. "Hell, I'm an idiot and a jerk, but I'm not that much of a bastard." He stepped a bit closer to Ohtori and kneeled in front of him, careful to give him room to flee if he wanted. "I love you, and I probably have for months. Why else would I tell my parents about liking guys, or plan on signing up for stupid German language courses? I was just too stupid to realize it." No that wasn't quite right, He shook his head and wiped at his eyes. "No, I knew it, I wouldn't care so damn much about you if I didn't, I guess I was just too scared of it."
Daring to reach out a hand Shishido rested it gently on where he suspect Ohtori's shoulder was under the blanket - his own blanket dropped and forgotten several long minutes ago. "What I said to you the other night was pretty much all lies. Except, when I love someone I love them with my whole heart. And I've never loved anyone besides my family like that, and it's scary. And then to love a man, though a sexy and wonderful and kind man, it was scary too." He was rambling again, and he didn't even know what he was rambling about.
"Look, I know I fucked up big time this time, and I know I hurt you and probably don't deserve you, but I love you, and I well I can work at the other two things, there isn't a damn thing I can do about that. You can tell me to go away, but I'm going to keep on loving you." Shishido pleaded one last time, vaguely wondering if love confessions were supposed to sound like obsessed stalkers talking.
Watching the other from inside the blanket, he sighed. Did he mean it, or was he just desperate? Ohtori was afraid to take another gamble and get hurt again, terrified. He wanted to back away, run and hide back with Blackguard.
”You know it won’t be the same…” He managed, surprising even himself. He wasn’t even certain why he was doing this. It was begging to be hurt again. Blackguard had made it clear that he deserved much better than this, fearing being hurt and then left for another warm bed again. He just had to try one more time. “But you can’t just stop loving someone no matter how much you want to.”
Shishido's face brightened at the soft words, "So you're forgiving me?" He asked. He couldn't believe how lucky he was, or maybe how wonderful the man he loved was. "Thank you!" He said grabbing Ohtori into a hug, his wings grazing the wall to curl around them slightly. "You won't regret this. I'll never say mean things to you again no matter how scared I get or what stupid ideas get into my head. I promise." He whispered into Ohtori's ear, or at least the blanket covering his ear. It didn't matter if it wouldn't be the same, he'd make it better. As long as he had the chance to continually express his love to Ohtori nothing else mattered.
He was surprised himself. Why was he doing this, he should have never trusted the ‘Birdyboy’ as Blackguard put it. But any resolve to blow him off was destroyed in the familiar winged embrace he’d grown to love. Ohtori lowered his head onto the other’s shoulder and sighed. He made no real attempt to hug the other back, instead just patting his back gently. It would take some time to forgive him entirely. “Just don’t run off into other people’s beds anymore, it’ll kill me.”
"Hell no." Shishido said vehemently, clutching Ohtori tighter against him. "Why would I want to sleep in anyone's bed but yours?" He asked a bit more calmly. What happened with Oshitari was a mistake for both of them and thankfully hadn't gotten very far, but if just those comments about where and how he had slept had hurt his Ohtori, well he'd have to make sure to be less stupid in the future.
"And I don't suppose you want to come out of hiding now?" He asked gently tugging at the blanket still cocooning his boyfriend. And wow, did it feel strange to think of Ohtori like that, but strange in this breath stopping exhilarating way. It no longer made him freeze him up and want to flee, and he was thankful for that.
“OK,” he mumbled softly against the other’s shoulder, still patting his lower back comfortingly. He was not about to comment on the obvious, or the fact that it was Oshitari, and how he didn’t want to ever think of his boyfriend sleeping on someone else, much less with.
”Not hiding Shishido-san. I’m trying not to freeze.” He snuggled in just a little closer, the wings acting as an insulation from the hallway, and cold air that seemed to take them over at any time of night.
Shishido felt tension he didn't realize he had when Ohtori didn't pursue the 'sleeping' topic any further. He was fairly ashamed of what he did and why, and even if it made sense then it was still a stupid thing to do. Though if Ohtori ever asked, he would tell him and deal with the consequences. Not only did he suck at lying because of his wings, but he didn't want to lie to Ohtori at all.
Shifting so that Ohtori was far enough from the wall, Shishido wrapped his wings fully around the taller mutant. "Why the hell are you so cold anyway?" He asked. Yeah, Ohtori tended to get cool and liked to bundle, but never like this.
Yeah, the feathers definitely helped. He leaned in and let the ‘hood’ part of the blanket fall off, even if it meant cold cheeks. He liked seeing the other when they hugged, so it was a reasonable sacrifice in his opinion. Shivering faintly again, Ohtori buried his head in the juncture of Shishido’s neck and shoulder. “Shinji borrowed me for a mission last night, we both got burned out.” As if that would explain everything, but he was always trying to be the optimist.
Oh yeah, snuggling was very nice. Shishido wondered why he ever thought his life would be better without Ohtori in it. Who cares if they were both boys when it felt this good. He reached up a hand to run fingers through silver hair and froze. "You what?!" He asked, his wings ruffling around him. "Are you ok? Were you hurt? What was Shinji thinking?" He questioned one after another, eyes searching Ohtori's as if they would tell him the answer. Like hell he was going to lose Ohtori to some stupid mission.
”I helped him last night. Blackguard’s putting me on some of his missions too.” But he was not kidnapping anyone. He leaned into the hand tangled in messy silver spikes and smiled slightly against the other’s neck. “I’m okay. I just wore myself out. Poor Shinji’s blue, I was but if electricity is involved I guess I usually recover faster.” He was rambling now. “We rigged an election.”
Shishido growled low in his throat at the mention of Blackguard. He didn't understand why he was always making Ohtori go out on dangerous missions, especially after he had saved him from harm several months ago. But Shishido wasn't a complete idiot, he knew that, for some reason, Ohtori liked him, so he kept quiet about commenting on what he thought about Blackguard's missions.
Besides, someone turning blue was a bit of a higher priority. "I guess I should make sure Shinji's okay too. Blue might be okay for his cat, but it's not healthy for humans." Shishido said, continuing his soft petting of Ohtori's hair. "And a whole election? That's pretty fucking awesome." He remembered seeing a bit of news coverage about the shocking from behind victory or something like that. He wanted to ask Ohtori more, but the kid was still tired and cold, and it's not like he really had the right to keep him up talking.
"I guess you should go lay down. It's been more than three minutes, and you're still shivering a bit." Not that Shishido wanted to let Ohtori out of his arms, but he was still a jerk and then there was Blackguard in the equation. He bit back his growl this time.
Yeah, they wouldn't even let me see Shinji this morning when I woke up. Make sure he's okay for me?" He was rather fond and a bit protective of most of the mutants at the BH. He wanted to be a good Brother like Blackguard and help keep them safe, and keep them all from being harmed as he had been.
"Yeah- but it hurt doing that. And I think you should check in on him, we know I'll be okay." He finally pulled the other into the hug and smiled slightly against his neck. "We'll talk more about this. Goodnight, Shishido-san..."
Shishido smiled as he was fully embraced by Ohtori, feeling as though he could stay like that forever, despite knowing they both needed some well needed rest. "I'll look on in him. Can't have the blue team falling behind." He commented, holding Ohtori a bit closer to him at how such a task had hurt him.
"It was still really cool. I'm proud of you for helping to change things for the better without using violence." Not an easy thing when Ohtori's power leaned towards the destructive variety. "And yeah, we can talk more later." He more muttered than spoke into Ohtori's hair. He wasn't looking forward to more talking, especially since the other would probably be more awake then and asking some tough questions.
"But right now, get to bed." He commanded, pulling back from the embrace so he could look in the other's brown eyes, they seemed less sad now, though not quite back to the happy hopeful expression he usually wore. "And I... love you." He whispered quietly. Not that the moment of confessions and groveling had passed, saying it felt like so much more. It felt like something that should only be shared between the two of them for nobody else to overhear. Giving the other a brief and chaste kiss, He stood and pulled the Ohtori blanket bundle up with him, "Sleep well, okay." He said.
Resting against him, he sighed and nodded. “Yeah, I know.” He smiled a little more and nodded. He wasn’t going to say it back, not yet. So, he smiled and kissed him back gently, rubbing the side of his arm. “You too, Shishido-san.” They both needed to get some rest, he’d worry about Oshitari-san and Shishido sleeping together another day, when he wasn’t dead on his feet. Leaning forward, he smiled and kissed him one more time before moving off to the med-bay. At least now he had some good news to tell the slumbering Blackguard.
It hurt a bit to not hear the shy little whisper of 'love you' again that he had only heard once, but he understood. He didn't like it, but it was his own stupid fault so he had no right to complain. He'd earn the right to hear it over time and with patience. It was the least he could to do for Ohtori. He was pleased to get a few more kisses in though and told Ohtori to have a good night once more before watching him disappear into the med bay. Releasing a long sigh, Shishido realized that that had gone a lot better than it could have and was thankful for his luck. Now he'd just have to prove to his boyfriend that he really did love him and only him.
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