Log - Ohtori, Shishido

[feathered-fiend.livejournal.com]

Date: Take place shortly after this thread of comments.
Rating: PG
Summary: Shshido finally stops running around in circles long enough to call Ohtori. They talk about random things and then angst a bit over happiness and not giving up which leads to a round about conversation about the relationship they don't have.
Notes: Fluff that tried to Angst but failed inside.



Shishido fingered the phone in his hand, debating whether or not he still wanted to call. After that embarrassing episode on Ohtori’s journal he really didn’t want to, but he did say he would. He started punching in numbers and then turned it off, he had done this action several times before already. It was just that he had called himself a girl, had accidentally implied that he wanted to be Ohtori’s girl and well, the girl in a gay relation, as far as he could tell was the bottom and was the one getting – He cut his thoughts off there, he really didn’t need to think about that.

It really had made sense at the time though, if he was getting Ohtori a gift, it wouldn’t really be that much harder to get him a second one, and it was a good excuse to give someone a gift. And while he’d love to get something from Ohtori on Valentine’s day, it wasn’t really right to get a gift from the person having the birthday. And the fact that he gave Ohtori something on his was the exception not the standard. But then thinking about getting something from Ohtori on Valentine’s day made him start to think about what if Ohtori was the girl in the relationship and that had already resulted in one cold shower too many.

With a loud sigh, he once again started dialling numbers onto his phone, and like before had turned it off before the first ring went through. He was pretty confident he was at least a little gay, and more than a little attracted to Ohtori. But the fact that he still wasn’t sure was driving him nuts. He wasn’t the type of person to act on maybes and perhaps, but the only way to find out for sure was to test out a maybe or perhaps and it all really led to two things - Him wanting to throw Kaidoh off a cliff and molest Ohtori. He really didn’t think Ohtori would appreciate either actions until he sorted through his own emotions.

Screw it. He was going to call, he was going to act like he hadn’t inadvertently propositioned Ohtori to be his seme, try to act like he didn’t want Kaidoh living in Russia and offer his support and encouragement to Ohtori. Wings twitching, he dialled Ohtori once again, and this time allowed it to ring…

Blinking at the phone ringing loudly from his desk, he stood and stretched casually watching it vibrate its way slowly across the flat plane. He knew it was Shishido, after all he had been given his own ring tone, Flight of the Valkyre. Well, he thought it was funny, even if he knew the winged boy would probably not agree as willingly. Finally making his way to the small device, he toyed with the small cartoon frog charm on it, a gift from his loving big sister.

Grasping it, he looked at his roommate and boyfriend and smiled faintly at the sleeping form. He knew it was a little late, but it was another sleepless night. Which meant he would probably not sleep another day and a half before sleeping straight through a full day. He blushed slightly as he recalled their brief exchange on where they would be if they had a relationship, and decided that issue could wait, or just not come up ever. Padding out into the deserted halls, he answered his phone, "Hello, Shishido-san."

Shishido blinked, that really wasn’t the greeting he had been expecting but he figured Ohtori had been expecting his call and probably had caller id too. “Hey Choutarou. I hope I’m not calling too late. I figured the vow to never sleep was a good sign that I wouldn’t’ wake you.” He said wings ruffling as he paced his freshly painted room. Why did he feel so antsy?

"No, I'm still holding on my pledge of sleeplessness." He laughed quietly and slid down the cold wall, and settled with his back to the wall and knees tucked firmly up against his chest. His hair was still damp from his shower and he briefly worried that he might catch a cold or something. "I guess your insomnia hasn't improved, ne?" Okay, they were on the phone and talking…now what?

“I’m not sure that’s a pledge I can endorse.” Shishido said, he really was worried about Ohtori’s sleeping habits, and that nightmare just seemed to destroy any progress the kid may have made. “I think it’s getting worse. It’s weird. No matter how tired I am during the day, dusk comes around and I feel like I’m ready to run a marathon.” He had been coming up with creative ways to tire himself out before bed. Most nights it seemed to be working.

“So thought about what you want for your birthday yet?” Even as he said it he wanted to beat his head against the wall. Ohtori’s birthday wasn’t until February and he really didn’t need to remind Ohtori about the stupid comments he had made on his journal. He really needed to get control over his mouth, before he managed to say anything more uncool.

"I know- but I think it's okay, really." He toyed with the frayed ends of his jeans and frowned. "You really should talk to a doctor or something, that's not healthy. I mean, you really do need to work on at least sleeping at some point." He was sure he could last longer without rest, he was pretty tough.

"Uh- well, it's a long way away- so no…not really." He blushed as that conversation came back to him, chewing his lip he decided to set things straight right now. "You'd make a horrible girl." That came out all wrong, and before he could stop himself he gasped into the phone and began a long torrent of apologies.

“I’d what?” Shishido asked in shock into the phone as a torrent of apologies came at him. He really wasn’t that insulted, in fact, he was probably grateful to know that Ohtori didn’t see him as some girl despite his long hair and fancy wings. “Choutarou, it’s fine. Stop apologizing or I’ll fly over there and smack you one.” He threatened and finally the apologies subsided.

Shaking his head at the phone and how cute Ohtori could be when he was flustered, he thought about what he was talking about before the girl incident. “I do sleep. Just around lunch. I tend to skip the class before or after lunch and just sleep then. It’s weird though, it’s like the second I my head hits the pillow, I’m out cold.” He wish he knew why that was. What was worse, is that if he skipped his lunchtime nap, and did his best to stay awake until after supper, he would lay down and then feel jittery and have to get up to move around.

"Well- uhm…besides," he swallowed and laughed a bit, "as bad of a girl as you would make, I would probably be just as bad about it." Granted he liked flowers, and soft things and being held at night. That did not make him any less of a man, at all.

"That's strange. Maybe you are a vampire, or it's a glandular thing?" He frowned and thought on the issue, deciding it was too serious. Hooray for camera phones; he turned his cellphone around and snapped a quick photo of himself with the stuffed poodle, lovingly called Chicken, settled on his wet ringlets of hair.

At that Shishido laughed, “Yes, you’d look horrible in a skirt.” He sobered a bit though once Ohtori tried to help figure out what was wrong with him. He wasn’t quite sure what a glandular problem could entail, but it didn’t seem pleasant. Then he heard the default camera sound cell phones made. “Are you taking pictures over there?” Shishido asked.

"I do." He chuckled slightly and shook his head. "When I was 6 my sister made me play dress up at her slumber party." He laughed again, feeling like a weight was lifted off of his chest. "Hm? Yes, I did promise you a photo of myself and Chicken, didn't I?" He set it up to send the photo.

“When I hear stories like that, I’m once again thankful that I had an older brother. Even if he did beat on me.” Shishido said, looking down at his own phone and waiting to receive the file. When it came through he smiled softly and then chuckled as he noticed the dog really was sitting on top of silver locks. “You’re a fool. But in the best way.” He said between chuckles, moving the phone to look at the picture again.

"Oh, but I guess it made you tough, right?" He grinned and wondered if wearing high heels and his mother's perfume (enough to make him literally stink up the house for three days) had made him tougher, or just slightly insane. Grinning at the rolling laugh, he snuggled deeper into his jacket and laughed along. "There's a good way to be a fool, Shishido-san?"

“The toughest.” Shishido replied, “Can’t you tell?” And he chuckled, knowing that nobody would mistake him for a tough guy on appearance. Ohtori who was taller and had broader shoulders would be picked as the bully before he would be. “And of course there’s a good way to be a fool… well, there should be. And if there is, you’re it.” He laughed again, starting to feel relaxed enough to sit down at the edge of his bed.

"I dunno, the wings give it away. If you don’t want them to think you’re too tough get a halo to match it." Grinning, he rolled to his side and huddled in his oversized sweatshirt, enjoying the soft fleece against his upper arms and chin. "I'll remember that, a Choutarou is the finest fool of all." Laughing, he got a devious glint in his eye. "Hey, you have a picture of me now. Do I get one back?"

“Are you saying I’m too angelic to be evil? I may have very well fallen.” Fallen in like – because love was much to scary a word, fallen while flying because he pushed himself to hard, or fallen from grace when he found out he was a mutant. But there was no need to get into any of the specifics. “The finest of them all indeed.” He added on with a small chuckle before looking at his phone, “My picture won’t be nearly as interesting as yours, but if you insist.” He pushed a few buttons, turned the phone to face him, and smiled as he took the picture. His hair was loose and half in his face, he was only wearing pyjama pants - as he was hoping to sleep afterwards, and his wings were ruffling behind him. It was probably a fairly boring picture, but he sent it over to Ohtori’s phone anyway. “There you go, me talking to you.”

"Hmmm- a fallen angel. Those are dangerous." He smiled over a slight rising in his chest like he was about to yawn. Listening as the phone made it's odd humming sound, he watched the little file arrive and glanced at the picture, blushing quickly. Wow, it looked like Shishido had just woken from a wild dream or something…his hair was a bit dishevelled, and he was not wearing a shirt, was he? And his wings! Swallowing, he saved it and smiled. "It's a nice picture, I like it. Thank you."

“Scared?” Shishido asked, seeing the little ‘picture sent’ icon flash on his screen and he held his breath waiting for Ohtori’s reaction. Normally he was quite confident in having his picture taken, but in the middle of the night, with his camera phone, he started feeling foolish. “Uh… thanks. I probably look a mess, but if you look in the background, you can probably see my new wall colour. Not that I think you ever saw the old wallpaper. Be thankful about that.” He rambled, wings twitching behind him.

"I think I will need to be comforted for quite some time." Ohtori smirked, his tone serious in spite of a small chuckle threatening to escape. Breaking into another goofy grin, he shuffled around against the wall until he found a hot pipe just behind the plaster and snuggled against it. "The blue? I like it, it brings out your eyes." He yawned quietly.

“Well I’d be happy to offer, but as I’m the one causing you the need to be comforted, it probably wouldn’t work very well.” He shrugged, forgetting that Ohtori couldn’t actually see him, and held in a chuckle. “Yup, the blue, had it professionally painted even.” He said remembering watching all of Atobe’s minions run around painting his room and hoping that they wouldn’t make a complete mess of things. “And uh… thanks.” How could Ohtori tell that just by a cheap little picture on a phone? He played with the material on his pants for a moment, trying to figure out how to word something that had been on his mind for a while. “Hey Choutarou… despite, you know, the not sleeping and stuff… you’re happy there right?”

"Heh, that would sort of defeat the purpose." He leaned against the pipe a little more and relaxed, someone was taking a shower so he could feel the hot water moving along the pipes. The heat was forcing the muscles in his back to relax more. "Professionally done, eh? Swanky." He cocked his head and looked at the picture with a smile, "what color was it before the blue?" Sharing the silence, he quietly turned his head to yawn into his arm. "Huh? Yeah- I'm pretty happy here. I mean I have a lot of good friends, and I can get out and visit you now and everything. And I have Kaidoh-kun-" he bit the inside of his cheek and frowned, "why?"

Shishido stared out at his new walls, “Someone owed me a favour for the walls, and it used to be this faded green colour with a floral design. It was beyond hideous.” He explained, he would be glad to never see that wallpaper ever again, especially after how long it took Saeki and him to get it all out of his wings and hair. “I’m glad you’re happy… but I sometimes, just wonder if these places are good for us...” He tried to explain. He didn’t’ know why, but he wondered what it would be like at Ryuhana, or if Ohtori would be happier at the Brotherhood despite the differences in beliefs. “It doesn’t matter.” He said dismissing it. “Just late night musings.”

"It sounds like it was pretty scary." He laughed lightly and shifted, switching the phone to his other ear carefully. "You know, I sometimes wonder the same thing, but then I think that as long as you try to make the best of where you are, you can find your own happiness." He entertained the idea of asking Shishido to transfer schools and come here, maybe they could give him one of those neat devices they gave Kaidoh-kun. But the other was clearly not as willing to play nice with humans, so maybe he could go to the Brotherhood, even if Kamio-kun had made it clear he did not belong there.

Shishido let out a sigh and flopped down on his bed face first, careful not to squish the phone. “It’s just… sometimes happiness seems so far away and it would be so much easier to just say ‘screw you’.” He watched as a feather floated down from where it was sent flying in his last swift move. “But that’s not what I do, so I fight, and for a while, I really am happy. But how long am I expected to keep fighting?” He sounded so weak, but who else could he say these things to. Saeki was a great listener and helped with a ton of problems, but he had a feeling that he just wouldn’t get this one.

Ohtori felt a sharp tugging at his chest and sighed quietly. "Look- quitting…it isn't worth it. Anything worth having is worth the fight, right?" He sat up again and pulled his knees up higher, wondering if he had really been trying to give up on Shishido, or just fighting it. "Well- what would make you happy? Really." He paused and swallowed a strange sick feeling in his throat, "figure out what that is, and then hold onto it."

“I know quitting is uncool,” He said not wanting Ohtori to think he would ever quit despite feeling as though it would be easier. He pulled his wings closer around him as he listened to Ohtori, “I want the freedom my wings should have given me, not taken away.” He said with resolve, one day, he hoped to be appreciated for his mutation and allowed to fly around freely without being feared. “And the other thing I want, well, I’m afraid if I hold on too tight, it’ll break.” He said, wondering if Ohtori knew just how much better he could make Shishido feel just by talking with him.

"You know someday, one way or the other the mutants will be free. Either by peace or war. Just wait, and I promise some day you can fly all over the world without worrying about it." He hated thinking about the war aspect, he was at Ryuhana, they wanted peace not war. For some reason, he reached out into the empty hall even if he was alone and thought about just touching those soft feathers again and feeling them tremble with unused potential. "Shishido-san, if you are gentle enough nothing will break."

“One day…” Shishido repeated, wondering how long that would take and imaging how it would feel to fly anywhere his wings could take him. “I’ll take you flying with me whenever that day come Choutarou. I promise.” He said, smiling softly at the thought of Ohtori being held in his arms and flying with him high off the ground. “And what if I can’t always be careful because of the way it affects me and I sometimes just want to reach out and grab it and hold it close? Do you think it will still not break?”

Closing his eyes, he smiled faintly and nodded even if he knew Shishido wouldn't see it. "I'd like that a lot, I'll look forward to it." He trusted the older boy enough not to drop him, even if he really was not a big fan of heights. He wanted to entertain the idea that the thing would be him, but that was being far too selfish. "Well- uhm, how it affects you…If you care enough about it, you'll know how hard you can hold it without hurting it."

How hard can I hold you? is what Shishido wanted to say, but there was Kaidoh, and their schools and the fact that while he thought he was gay he didn’t want to Ohtori if it somehow turned out he wasn’t. “Well hopefully it won’t get too bad if I mess it up once or twice while learning.” Is what he said instead.

"We all make mistakes-" he yawned again and curled into a ball on the floor, still counting on the water pipes to keep him warm. "It's part of learning to fly on your own." He managed to miss the irony of his statement in favour of squeezing his eyes shut and resting his cheek on his arm comfortably. There was still some sand in the hallway from the school's shared nightmare, shining with the reflections of the linoleum floor and the harsh halogen lights above.

“Some more than others,” He said with a hollow laugh. He could hear the other’s voice growing tired and was pleased and disappointed all at once. It meant that the other might actually sleep that night, but it also meant that they’d have to hang up soon. “Well, I am the master at learning to fly, so there may be hope for me yet.” He shifted his pillow so that he could wrap an arm around it, the other still holding the phone to his ear. “Want to go hang out this weekend. I know it’s getting a bit cool for the diamond, but maybe we could go somewhere else.”

"That just means some are harder to teach or have more to learn." He smiled and could feel his breathing slowing down. It was probably getting into the early morning hours, and it was starting to look like he wouldn't keep his word on never sleeping again. "There's always hope, can rewrite the ending if you don't like it." He smiled a little more and yawned. "Yeah- this weekend is good…where would we go?" He hadn't noticed before now how calming Shishido-san's voice was.

“I’ll keep up the hard work then. And I’m still thinking my ending might turn out well enough as it is, without the rewrite.” Shishido said, listening to Ohtori grow more tired by the word. “I’m sure we’ll think of something to do before the weekend. Let’s just avoid that karaoke place, she might come back to terrorize us or something.” He looked over at his clock and saw how late it had really gotten. “I guess I should let you go get some rest, I’m sure you have a big day ahead of you.” He wondered if he’d be able to fall asleep once they hung up and somewhat doubted it.

"Mmm- yeah, we don't want the scary lady coming back." He agreed with a small laugh, but he didn't even make the comment on his needing rest, it appeared his body had decided that for him. He'd fallen asleep after another weak yawn, the phone still cradled between his cheek and arm, and only the sounds of soft breathing to answer the other teen.

Shishido waited for Ohtori to protest and say he wasn’t tired or at least say goodnight. He was a bit baffled and pressed the phone closer to his ear and heard the sounds of soft even breathing. He sighed and rolled his eyes, how uncool was it to fall asleep in the middle of a conversation. Still, he didn’t yell into the phone to try to wake up the kid, and he didn’t even move to hang up his own phone, in fear that the dial tone and annoying lady telling you to hang up the phone would wake Ohtori from much needed sleep. Besides, Ohtori would offer to pay for his phone bill later anyway, not that he’d let him. “Good night, Choutarou,” He whispered, tucking the phone in beside him as he attempted to get some sleep himself, calmed by the steady sounds of Ohtori’s breathing.