RP Log: Momo & Ryoma
Jan. 20th, 2007 04:38 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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tenipuri_xpDate: Backdated to 1/4/07
Rating: S for SADNESS
Summary: Momo comes to spend the afternoon with Ryoma, and finally asks to see what his arms look like under the bandages. Much sadness ensues. ;_;
Note: Um. Please do not read this unless you are prepared to become at least slightly depressed. >>;
There was a knock at the door and Ryoma opened his eyes, staring at the pure white wall a moment before rolling over and sitting up, blinking a few times. There wasn't much to do by himself - he'd invented and run out of games to invent long ago, and the ceiling had been strangely silent the past few days, ever since they'd sent him out day after day for Yagyuu. Maybe it was angry with him, too, for refusing to find the shapeshifter. He didn't know. He felt like he didn't know much at all anymore.
But there was the knock again - it was more insistent this time, and if he listened carefully, it told him that it was Momo. Ryoma grinned - he liked Momo, and he liked it when Momo came to visit - and slid off the bed, padding silently to the door and pulling it open carefully, inwardly admonishing it for getting heavier. It liked to do that. He finally got it open and grinned up at his friend. "Hi! You should come in and stay and we can do something!" Anything Momo wanted to do was better than drowsing boredly, Ryoma was sure of that.
It had gotten even worse at Ryuhana over time - rules were stricter: there were collar checks every day at lunch to make sure no one was tampering with them, electric fences were posted around the Ryuhana grounds, and they didn't serve dessert at dinner. Not that dessert was really important, but it was just one other significant detail to add onto the ever growing list of things taken away from them. Momo still had the feeling that they were in some sort of zoo - caged, and treated like wild animals just because they happened to be 'abnormal.' It was sick.
Momo had made sure to be with Ryoma, at least for a little bit each day, though. He was getting worse and worse with each passing day - moreso mentally, as Momo wasn't sure of the extent of the shape of Ryoma's body through the constant abuse of the injections, and whatever else the guards saw fit to do - but still worrisome. He felt a bit like Oishi-senpai; worrying himself sick over people - then again, it's not like they all had other people to worry for them. The guards didn't, the government sure didn't... there were their families, but even they didn't know the extent of what goes on beyond that newly placed electric fence.
Pushing the door open more with his foot a bit when Ryoma answered, Momo shone a bright grin downward and reached out to ruffle Ryoma's hair, murmuring a soft, "hey there." There was no reason for Ryoma to ask Momo to stay - Momo would stay as long as he can no matter the cost. Ryoma may be a bit older, but right now, he was vulnerable; he needed someone to protect him, even if Ryoma would, as always, protest that he could take care of himself. "Of course I'm gonna stay; what do you think I am, a mean bully?" Momo laughed, hoping Ryoma would too, and entered the room, making sure to close the door behind them and hopefully give them some relative privacy. You couldn't be too careful.
Ryoma laughed and wrinkled his nose and stepped back to let Momo in, glad the other boy closed the door, because it was very heavy today. "You're not mean at all, you just want to say that so no one'll suspect," he said, dancing back into the room to stand beside the bed, cocking his head at the other. "I don't care what we do but I just don't want it to be quiet, okay?" It had been far too quiet lately - too many people gone, and they had taken all the air with them and even though it was hard to breathe, Ryoma still had to try, to suck in the thin air and deal with it, because he knew that it would keep him alive even if he didn't want it to.
But wait - first, he had to give Momo the things he needed. "Wait - " Ryoma knelt to the floor and peeked under the bed, looking in the darkness for what he knew he'd put there. He found it and pulled it out - a plastic bag with the extra food he didn't need from breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Only save the things that no one noticed, only save the things Momo could eat that would be okay under here. "Here!" He presented it to Momo on outstretched palms, very proud that he'd managed to keep this much for his friend. Momo would be hungry. The people here didn't feed him enough, even with his strength crumpled up and hidden at the bottom of the well. "You need to eat more~"
They all needed to eat more. It wasn't as if the guards were starving the mutants, or anything, but it certainly wasn't up to par to what the nice workers in the cafeteria used to give them. He never used to have to ask the ladies for an extra helping of the main dish - it was just given to him with no extra questions asked. Now, even despite not physically needing to eat the amount of food he used to, the truth was that Momo still enjoyed eating; and even anything like an extra helping of dessert was nearly impossible to try to worm out of the new workers unless they wanted to be punished for asking unnecessary questions for the answer they should all, invariably, already know. But, it was the idea behind it - that the kids couldn't even get more food if they were still hungry, lest they hide it away for other purposes.
Which was, apparently, exactly what had been done underneath the guards' noses. Momo was thankful for Ryoma doing that - he didn't have the heart to tell his friend that he didn't want to accept it because Ryoma needed to eat just as much as the rest of them if he didn't want to disappear into nothing but skin and bones. Attempting to knock sense into Ryoma's head, though, was a bit like attempting to poke fun of the guards - futile, so there was no point. So, instead, he took the bag of food from Ryoma's outstretched hands, smiling, and offering a, "thanks, chibi." To think that the other boy had gone to great lengths to make sure his friend got enough to eat... it was enough to make Momo want to shelter Ryoma away from all the scary things in their life, right now, and continue to do so even after things blow over. It was almost... sad.
Moving over to Ryoma's bed, the powerhouse sat down, patting the space beside him. "I'm not gonna eat all of this alone, though, y'know - it's no fun if I'm the only one eating, right?" He shot a grin in Ryoma's direction. Truthfully, that wasn't the reason at all, but Ryoma didn't have to know that just then. "And you've saved some pretty good foods... best things they've given us so far, I think." Though, they certainly weren't his mom's famous chocolate chip cookies, or anything.
Ryoma thought a moment - maybe Momo had a point, doing things alone was no fun. He didn't mind eating if it was with his friend, after all - and eating in the cafeteria was nothing like how he knew it should be. He slowly followed Momo to the bed, sitting down and waiting for Momo to start eating before he took anything - onigiri, plain - and started nibbling on it. "Wish they'd treat us like we knew how to have lunch," he said, taking a small bite. "But I can still save things, no one sees, I hide it and bring it back here for you." He was very proud that no one had caught him - he'd gotten very good at it when he'd had meals brought to his room, in punishment for the food fight, but it was a little harder now that he was forced to eat in the cafeteria with everyone else.
It was loud in there, but still empty and echoing inside.
But Ryoma shouldn't think about things like that right now - Momo could never stay as long as he wanted, and time was precious, though slipping away more and more every second. He had to spend it wisely. "Maybe they'll give us dessert again someday." Ryoma was very good at eating dessert. He thought Momo was, too.
It was relieving to watch Ryoma nibble at the onigiri, and Momo picked up one of his own, biting into it, and chewing it as if he hadn't eaten a single bite for the last week. He wasn't being starved or anything, and it was completely unnecessary to eat as much food as he normally did unless he wanted to bloat like a blimp, but... food was food, Momo was Momo, and he was still hungry even after the food the guards tried to pass as a meal. And speaking of dessert... "I sure hope so... I miss havin' dessert." Finishing his first roll, Momo picked up his second... trying to eat it a little slower this time to make the food last longer and not discourage Ryoma from eating more.
Then again, the food problem might have been less of an annoyance to Momo if he was allowed to either have a roommate, or not be confined to the times of the curfews. Despite having a single room before the invasion in Ryuhana, it had gotten lonely - and, he was sure that a lot of people were feeling that way, too... especially the ones who did have a roommate before like Ryoma and Eiji. It almost made Momo tempted to want to ask for a double room once they were free - and, he believed that it wouldn't be too much longer they'd have to live with this - but he also knew that once that time actually approached, and regular classes and homework flow started again, he'd be thankful to still have a single.
It also planted an idea in Momo's head that maybe it would be in order to have one big party once Ryuhana was free, but... why was he even thinking about this? "Y'know," swallowing a bite, Momo sat back on his hands, bringing up and crossing his legs to sit on the bed completely. "Even though this completely sucks, I like bein' able to spend more time with you..." '...though, I wish you were back to your normal self' was the continuation of his sentence, but he left it unsaid as his eyes drifted down to Ryoma's arms, still wrapped firmly in the gauze that his friend never seemed to run out of.
"Yeah, I liked cookies even f'they never gave them to us." Ryoma agreed about the dessert - how could they take it away? It was unfair. He didn't know how to make dessert himself, certainly not with the pieces he managed to glean from meals. The ingredients and the proportions were all wrong. So they'd have to do without. Unfair. He continued eating the rice, small bites at a time, never too many grains just in case of emergencies. He wasn't very hungry. His stomach often twisted, but he wasn't sure it was hunger. Until he was sure, he didn't want to take food away from Momo, because Momo was bigger. He burned energy at an accelerated rate. He needed it more. Ryoma would be okay. His friends needed help right now and he was the only one who could help.
Ryoma watched as the other boy pulled his legs onto the bed, and nodded. "It's fun!" he agreed - well, as much fun as anyone could have, given the circumstances. There wasn't much to do - no video games to play and nothing but words to exchange, but that was all right. Ryoma wouldn't ask for too much, he'd been given more than enough already, vaguely colored liquids through needlepoints and he didn't want more than he already got, it made him forget enough. "I... sorry I don't have more to play with. They took most of it away. An' the rest, no one knows and I can't let anyone see."
He was unable to pull his eyes away from Ryoma's arms. He knew they were doing bad things - it was something that was making Ryoma go a little... crazy, and Momo never missed the slight wince Ryoma gave if he hit his arms on something. He wasn't allowed to show anyone... was it because the guards told him so? Momo wanted to see though - he wanted to see what exactly they were doing to his best friend. And he was going to find out before the afternoon was over. "No reason to apologize, silly," Momo quickly munched on another onigiri, making his grand total three, so far, and leaned back on his palms. "S'not your fault they did." Though, why did they take away everything fun of Ryoma's? He... was never going to figure out the minds of the guards.
Ryoma shrugged - he never could tell what was his fault and what wasn't anymore, between the forgetting and the illogical paths everyone seemed to follow around here. He tried to tread carefully, take quiet steps so no one would hear or mind, but no matter what precautions he seemed to take, someone always seemed to notice. And there was almost always something they didn't like. He wondered if the guards were unhappy with themselves, with something else, maybe that was why they took other people's things away. Who knew? Most of the things they'd taken hadn't started as Ryoma's, anyway - they were only his by default of roommate, but they'd felt like his - been more important than his - and he missed them. As much as he missed Niou.
"I hope they left everyone else's things," he said quietly, taking another small bite, then looking at the half-eaten onigiri, suddenly uninterested. He held it up for Momo to take. "Not hungry anymore. Here. Can't waste it." It would be a shame to waste it, food was important, Momo was right here, and he was important too.
Momo looked at the onigiri and back at Ryoma, before hesitantly reaching out and taking it. He was slowly losing his appetite, too, while talking about this, but... he needed to eat, even if the onigiri seemed like the most disgusting thing he's ever wanted to eat before. Nibbling at it a bit himself before putting it down, Momo straightened his back, not saying anything right away as he reached out to softly lay his hand on Ryoma's left arm. He was almost scared to see what was underneath the gauze... who knows what sort of state they would be in. They probably hurt, that much was obvious, but was it even worse than what Momo had thought it was?
His mind supplied him with all sorts of gruesome thoughts before he tossed them away with a shake of his head - he wouldn't start thinking about them until he could actually see for himself. "Echizen..." his request trailed off, not exactly sure how to ask this. He wasn't about to say, 'show me your arms so I can see!' That sounded too... eager. Swallowing a lump that suddenly formed in his throat, Momo managed, "Can I see...?" He knew Ryoma would first try to convince Momo he was fine - even if Ryoma was slowly losing it, he hadn't lost that part of his personality. But... Momo wasn't going to back down.
Watching Momo take a few halfhearted bites of the onigiri, Ryoma felt glad it was going to a good cause. But his stomach twisted when the other put the food down and took an interest in his arm, instead, fingering the gauze Ryoma had used to keep it covered and hidden, to try and keep everything he felt slowly leaking away inside. It hadn't been working very well, but maybe it helped a little. And it kept them padded. They were very sore and achy most of the time.
He felt his cheeks flush, wondered why something like that would happen, but didn't really want to look at Momo's face all of a sudden. He couldn't explain why. He didn't know how to explain that looking was a bad idea, too. Momo had sounded like he wasn't going to give up. "You don't want to," he finally said, not pulling his arm away, though he wanted to. "It's not nice an'... it's okay. I c'n take care of them. You don't have to worry." He smiled up at Momo, not feeling the smile reach past his face, but maybe the other wouldn't notice. "It's only there to keep things in."
Telling Momo not to worry about Ryoma was like telling Oishi not to worry about Eiji - there was no point because it was going to happen regardless. And, it would certainly make Momo worry even more than he already was if Ryoma refused to let him see his arms; and it was obvious that it wasn't one of Ryoma's top things to let happen. Momo appreciated Ryoma's attempt of a smile, though he knew it was... not a true one - and that just made Momo's stomach do a flipflop and lose his appetite completely. "I... know I don't have to worry, and I know that you can take care of them, but I want to see them, anyway." Momo fingered a piece of gauze that wasn't quite tucked into the rest, and met Ryoma's eyes; his best friend looked tired. "Please...?"
Ryoma frowned a little; nope, Momo wasn't going to back down, and Ryoma couldn't... really refuse. He didn't like them at all, not how they were now, but he was too tired to put up much of a fight over something like this. It seemed silly. Especially when Momo had the look in his eyes that he did now.
He let out the ghost of a sigh, glancing over at the wall, not wanting to see that look anymore. "You can f'you want. But I still don't recommend it." He shifted restlessly on the bed, but didn't pull his arm away; Momo already had a strip of gauze in his fingers, but as long as he didn't take it away with him when he was done, it'd be okay. He had to remind himself, though, that it was Momo's hands unwrapping the gauze. Momo wouldn't do anything to him. Momo wouldn't give him shots. Momo just... wanted to see.
It was easy to see that Ryoma really didn't think it was a good idea, even without hearing his remarks, but Momo wanted to - he wanted to see how much damage was actually being done. "I won't hurt you," Momo felt the need to say it as he gently tugged the loose piece free and ever so gently started to unwrap one of his arms. The powerhouse made sure to keep looking up at Ryoma's face to make sure that he really wasn't hurting his friend every few seconds. Ryoma seemed a little... flighty, and was still looking away, but Momo figured that he'd make a sound of protest if he accidentally hurt him.
A minute or two passed, Momo making sure to be as careful as he could be, and then he had the gauze off... and in a way he wished he had just listened to Ryoma. His arm was... skinny. Skinny, bruising, and Momo could clearly see a few scars on Ryoma's upper arms that must've been from some sort of needles constantly injected in the same spot over and over again. Momo could feel his eyes widen as he took it all in, and gingerly touched a few of the marks lightly with his index and middle finger, careful to apply no pressure. "Does... do they hurt?" His voice was a near whisper, and Momo realized that was such a stupid question, but he didn't know... what else to say. His stomach was doing flip flops, and if Momo had lost his appetite earlier, now, he definitely didn't want to eat now.
It was colder, now, since the layer between his skin and the air was gone, though Momo's fingers felt warm - hot - just below his shoulder. Ryoma tried to smile, shaking his head; "No, not so much, sometimes when they give me things, but it's not bad," he assured his friend. His arms had been feeling... strange, sore and numb, overused and detached all at once, for as long as he could remember, it seemed. Needles barely registered, only when they were quicker or rougher than normal did it even hurt anymore.
"I know they don't look... they're not pretty, but it's okay. They're just entryways, very important, an' I have to keep 'em... well, they're not so bad." Ryoma wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Momo or himself; he didn't like the way Momo was looking at him, but he didn't like the way his arms looked, either. They weren't the same, weren't how they used to be. They weren't even like his back. At least he never saw his back. And the doctors didn't use it, anyway. It was all the activity that made them sore, that was all.
Momo could barely register what Ryoma was saying to him as he continued to look at Ryoma's arms, examining them, and trying really hard not to think about what all they do to him on a daily basis. He had his suspicions about some sort of needles, but... it was worse than he thought they were. The bruises and the fact that his arm was nothing more than a twig got to Momo the most, though. Ryoma had never been the most built person around, at least compared to Momo, but to see him in a state where it looked like he hadn't eaten anything in a few months... it was shocking. The gauze marks around his arms from where it had been wrapped tightly almost made the whole scene worse, even though it had probably actually been helpful for Ryoma.
"I..." His stomach did another flip flop and Momo felt tears springing to his eyes. It wasn't fair for Ryoma to have to deal with that - to be abused like that. Momo wasn't the type to wish he could take on everyone else's pain instead, but... why did it have to be Ryoma, of all people? Just because his power was useful? They could use him to their advantage? It was cruel, it was painful... no one deserved to be treated like that. "T-This is..." He couldn't even finish a sentence, and Momo felt a couple hot tears escape his eyes and run down his cheek. It was the first time anyone had seen him cry in a long time. Momo brought the back of his hand up to try to shelter his eyes, but it was still obvious. He wasn't making any noise, but his nose was almost instantly stuffed, and the tears were continuing to drip down his face, one at a time, and splash on his pants.
Ryoma's smile faded immediately, as he saw the saltwater begin to trail down his cheeks. "No - no, don't, it's not... " Somehow the pit of his stomach hurt when Momo looked like this, and it wasn't... Ryoma's face felt hot again, ashamed - ashamed of they way he looked, and ashamed that it was making Momo cry. Momo looked much better happy, with that goofy grin on his face, his fingers running through Ryoma's hair and his eyes crinkled in laughter. Not like this, not trying to hide away and not with tears spattering his lap. It wasn't fair - it wasn't fair for Momo to hurt like this, either. Not for the first time, anger flared at the guards, at the world, at what was happening. There'd been nothing wrong with the way things used to be. Then they had to go and get messed up. Ryoma hated it.
He reached up, trying to move Momo's hand, trying to wipe at his eyes, though his fingers, for all they were dry, were not very absorbent. "You don't have to. It's not so bad." Ryoma kept them busy, kept them away from his friends as much as he could, though he was frighteningly forgetful of too much at times. He'd rather watch the guards, though, than watch them do things to his friends. They were where he wanted them - eyes on him. It was okay. Momo shouldn't cry.
He didn't want to look Ryoma in the eye. Momo never had a problem with crying in front of people he knew - especially not his best friends - but... it was the reason of his tears that made it difficult. He knew he didn't have to, but it wasn't like it was something he had planned - they had just slipped out without his permission. He didn't want to look at Ryoma's arms, though, either; the fact that he knew exactly why they had become like that... the reason behind the bruising and the mini scars. Ryoma may not have thought they were that bad, but in Momo's opinion, it was one of the worst things he had ever seen before. Now he knew why Ryoma kept them constantly wrapped up in gauze.
The feeling of Ryoma's fingers trying, clumsily, to wipe the tears, and the fact that he was failing as more of them trailed down Momo's cheeks were comforting - but, he didn't want to make Ryoma feel guilty. "I know I don't, but..." Momo tried calming himself, it wouldn't be worth it to get himself all worked up. "I-I'm sorry. I don't mean to." The powerhouse brought his forearm up, accidentally knocking away Ryoma's own hands as Momo tried to stop crying.
Ryoma frowned. He couldn't do anything - nothing, there was no way he could help and he felt his own set of saltwater trying to escape, but he couldn't do it. It was unfair that Momo had to cry, Ryoma couldn't join him, he knew that'd just make it worse. He looked down at his own hands as Momo pushed them out of the way, covering his face, and Ryoma thought that his fingers really did look very useless. Not like they were his. Nothing he did was his anymore, it felt like. There were only shadows of what used to be his, and he could barely remember them.
But he had to do something - he couldn't just sit here and watch Momo cry because it wasn't Momo's place, it wasn't his responsibility. Ryoma would carry it, it would be okay. One was better than many. He glanced around, trying to find something to help, his eyes eventually landing upon the small pile of clean clothing he'd been given this morning; he slid off the bed, pulling a t-shirt off the pile and holding it up to Momo, still worried, still wanting him to stop. "Here - use this. You don't have to... I know you didn't mean to but neither did I. You... shouldn't have to for me." He bit his lip, hating the way the droplets rolled down Momo's cheeks. "Please. Don't."
Reaching out a hand, Momo took the t-shirt gratefully, wiping away the tears from his eyes with it, though he was sure they weren't about to stop that quickly. He would try, though - it was obvious that Ryoma didn't want to see his friend cry anymore. But, it was like everything was coming out from him now; the pressure Momo only placed on himself trying to keep strong for everyone else around him - to try to remain hope that everything would turn out all right in the end even if it seemed unlikely from the current standpoint. He had made promises to people that he didn't dare break. But, it was hard to pretend like everything was a-okay when Momo felt like the whole world was falling down around him.
This did nothing but just make Momo cry harder thinking about, reaching blindly through his tears until he had his arms securely around Ryoma, pulling him to his chest and letting the t-shirt lay, forgotten, on the bed. "I'm okay - I'll stop soon. Just..." He was careful of Ryoma's arms, still - he didn't want to cause any unnecessary pain. He just... he needed a reminder that Ryoma was right in front of him and not going anywhere far; he could still feel the other breathing against his chest which meant he was still alive. A little bruised, a little scarred, and a little crazy, but... he was still Ryoma. Still Momo's best friend. That wasn't going to change. Time would run out soon, as it never did seem long enough, and Momo would have to go back to his own empty room, but for now... he needed this; and Ryoma probably did, too.
Ryoma didn't expect the hug; he was suddenly all-but-crushed against Momo's chest, but he realized he didn't mind, it was nice, he... he missed it. He could remember being held, like it was really one of his memories, and though the arms he remembered were different, this was.... this felt better than being alone. This felt like it might hold something in, just for a little while, and it felt like... it felt like what he'd wanted for a long time. He pressed his nose against Momo's chest, breathing in the way that Momo smelled, because he smelled like something, not the nothing that the rest of this place didn't smell like. He squeezed his eyes shut, because he didn't want any of his own tears to come out. Momo's were more than enough.
Ryoma didn't want to move, didn't want to move until Momo decided he was okay, until it was enough for Momo, because Ryoma'd never get enough, but he could get enough for now, because everything had to end with the way things were now. But that was okay. Had to be okay. Because they'd start again. As soon as he could do whatever he needed to do.
Rating: S for SADNESS
Summary: Momo comes to spend the afternoon with Ryoma, and finally asks to see what his arms look like under the bandages. Much sadness ensues. ;_;
Note: Um. Please do not read this unless you are prepared to become at least slightly depressed. >>;
There was a knock at the door and Ryoma opened his eyes, staring at the pure white wall a moment before rolling over and sitting up, blinking a few times. There wasn't much to do by himself - he'd invented and run out of games to invent long ago, and the ceiling had been strangely silent the past few days, ever since they'd sent him out day after day for Yagyuu. Maybe it was angry with him, too, for refusing to find the shapeshifter. He didn't know. He felt like he didn't know much at all anymore.
But there was the knock again - it was more insistent this time, and if he listened carefully, it told him that it was Momo. Ryoma grinned - he liked Momo, and he liked it when Momo came to visit - and slid off the bed, padding silently to the door and pulling it open carefully, inwardly admonishing it for getting heavier. It liked to do that. He finally got it open and grinned up at his friend. "Hi! You should come in and stay and we can do something!" Anything Momo wanted to do was better than drowsing boredly, Ryoma was sure of that.
It had gotten even worse at Ryuhana over time - rules were stricter: there were collar checks every day at lunch to make sure no one was tampering with them, electric fences were posted around the Ryuhana grounds, and they didn't serve dessert at dinner. Not that dessert was really important, but it was just one other significant detail to add onto the ever growing list of things taken away from them. Momo still had the feeling that they were in some sort of zoo - caged, and treated like wild animals just because they happened to be 'abnormal.' It was sick.
Momo had made sure to be with Ryoma, at least for a little bit each day, though. He was getting worse and worse with each passing day - moreso mentally, as Momo wasn't sure of the extent of the shape of Ryoma's body through the constant abuse of the injections, and whatever else the guards saw fit to do - but still worrisome. He felt a bit like Oishi-senpai; worrying himself sick over people - then again, it's not like they all had other people to worry for them. The guards didn't, the government sure didn't... there were their families, but even they didn't know the extent of what goes on beyond that newly placed electric fence.
Pushing the door open more with his foot a bit when Ryoma answered, Momo shone a bright grin downward and reached out to ruffle Ryoma's hair, murmuring a soft, "hey there." There was no reason for Ryoma to ask Momo to stay - Momo would stay as long as he can no matter the cost. Ryoma may be a bit older, but right now, he was vulnerable; he needed someone to protect him, even if Ryoma would, as always, protest that he could take care of himself. "Of course I'm gonna stay; what do you think I am, a mean bully?" Momo laughed, hoping Ryoma would too, and entered the room, making sure to close the door behind them and hopefully give them some relative privacy. You couldn't be too careful.
Ryoma laughed and wrinkled his nose and stepped back to let Momo in, glad the other boy closed the door, because it was very heavy today. "You're not mean at all, you just want to say that so no one'll suspect," he said, dancing back into the room to stand beside the bed, cocking his head at the other. "I don't care what we do but I just don't want it to be quiet, okay?" It had been far too quiet lately - too many people gone, and they had taken all the air with them and even though it was hard to breathe, Ryoma still had to try, to suck in the thin air and deal with it, because he knew that it would keep him alive even if he didn't want it to.
But wait - first, he had to give Momo the things he needed. "Wait - " Ryoma knelt to the floor and peeked under the bed, looking in the darkness for what he knew he'd put there. He found it and pulled it out - a plastic bag with the extra food he didn't need from breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Only save the things that no one noticed, only save the things Momo could eat that would be okay under here. "Here!" He presented it to Momo on outstretched palms, very proud that he'd managed to keep this much for his friend. Momo would be hungry. The people here didn't feed him enough, even with his strength crumpled up and hidden at the bottom of the well. "You need to eat more~"
They all needed to eat more. It wasn't as if the guards were starving the mutants, or anything, but it certainly wasn't up to par to what the nice workers in the cafeteria used to give them. He never used to have to ask the ladies for an extra helping of the main dish - it was just given to him with no extra questions asked. Now, even despite not physically needing to eat the amount of food he used to, the truth was that Momo still enjoyed eating; and even anything like an extra helping of dessert was nearly impossible to try to worm out of the new workers unless they wanted to be punished for asking unnecessary questions for the answer they should all, invariably, already know. But, it was the idea behind it - that the kids couldn't even get more food if they were still hungry, lest they hide it away for other purposes.
Which was, apparently, exactly what had been done underneath the guards' noses. Momo was thankful for Ryoma doing that - he didn't have the heart to tell his friend that he didn't want to accept it because Ryoma needed to eat just as much as the rest of them if he didn't want to disappear into nothing but skin and bones. Attempting to knock sense into Ryoma's head, though, was a bit like attempting to poke fun of the guards - futile, so there was no point. So, instead, he took the bag of food from Ryoma's outstretched hands, smiling, and offering a, "thanks, chibi." To think that the other boy had gone to great lengths to make sure his friend got enough to eat... it was enough to make Momo want to shelter Ryoma away from all the scary things in their life, right now, and continue to do so even after things blow over. It was almost... sad.
Moving over to Ryoma's bed, the powerhouse sat down, patting the space beside him. "I'm not gonna eat all of this alone, though, y'know - it's no fun if I'm the only one eating, right?" He shot a grin in Ryoma's direction. Truthfully, that wasn't the reason at all, but Ryoma didn't have to know that just then. "And you've saved some pretty good foods... best things they've given us so far, I think." Though, they certainly weren't his mom's famous chocolate chip cookies, or anything.
Ryoma thought a moment - maybe Momo had a point, doing things alone was no fun. He didn't mind eating if it was with his friend, after all - and eating in the cafeteria was nothing like how he knew it should be. He slowly followed Momo to the bed, sitting down and waiting for Momo to start eating before he took anything - onigiri, plain - and started nibbling on it. "Wish they'd treat us like we knew how to have lunch," he said, taking a small bite. "But I can still save things, no one sees, I hide it and bring it back here for you." He was very proud that no one had caught him - he'd gotten very good at it when he'd had meals brought to his room, in punishment for the food fight, but it was a little harder now that he was forced to eat in the cafeteria with everyone else.
It was loud in there, but still empty and echoing inside.
But Ryoma shouldn't think about things like that right now - Momo could never stay as long as he wanted, and time was precious, though slipping away more and more every second. He had to spend it wisely. "Maybe they'll give us dessert again someday." Ryoma was very good at eating dessert. He thought Momo was, too.
It was relieving to watch Ryoma nibble at the onigiri, and Momo picked up one of his own, biting into it, and chewing it as if he hadn't eaten a single bite for the last week. He wasn't being starved or anything, and it was completely unnecessary to eat as much food as he normally did unless he wanted to bloat like a blimp, but... food was food, Momo was Momo, and he was still hungry even after the food the guards tried to pass as a meal. And speaking of dessert... "I sure hope so... I miss havin' dessert." Finishing his first roll, Momo picked up his second... trying to eat it a little slower this time to make the food last longer and not discourage Ryoma from eating more.
Then again, the food problem might have been less of an annoyance to Momo if he was allowed to either have a roommate, or not be confined to the times of the curfews. Despite having a single room before the invasion in Ryuhana, it had gotten lonely - and, he was sure that a lot of people were feeling that way, too... especially the ones who did have a roommate before like Ryoma and Eiji. It almost made Momo tempted to want to ask for a double room once they were free - and, he believed that it wouldn't be too much longer they'd have to live with this - but he also knew that once that time actually approached, and regular classes and homework flow started again, he'd be thankful to still have a single.
It also planted an idea in Momo's head that maybe it would be in order to have one big party once Ryuhana was free, but... why was he even thinking about this? "Y'know," swallowing a bite, Momo sat back on his hands, bringing up and crossing his legs to sit on the bed completely. "Even though this completely sucks, I like bein' able to spend more time with you..." '...though, I wish you were back to your normal self' was the continuation of his sentence, but he left it unsaid as his eyes drifted down to Ryoma's arms, still wrapped firmly in the gauze that his friend never seemed to run out of.
"Yeah, I liked cookies even f'they never gave them to us." Ryoma agreed about the dessert - how could they take it away? It was unfair. He didn't know how to make dessert himself, certainly not with the pieces he managed to glean from meals. The ingredients and the proportions were all wrong. So they'd have to do without. Unfair. He continued eating the rice, small bites at a time, never too many grains just in case of emergencies. He wasn't very hungry. His stomach often twisted, but he wasn't sure it was hunger. Until he was sure, he didn't want to take food away from Momo, because Momo was bigger. He burned energy at an accelerated rate. He needed it more. Ryoma would be okay. His friends needed help right now and he was the only one who could help.
Ryoma watched as the other boy pulled his legs onto the bed, and nodded. "It's fun!" he agreed - well, as much fun as anyone could have, given the circumstances. There wasn't much to do - no video games to play and nothing but words to exchange, but that was all right. Ryoma wouldn't ask for too much, he'd been given more than enough already, vaguely colored liquids through needlepoints and he didn't want more than he already got, it made him forget enough. "I... sorry I don't have more to play with. They took most of it away. An' the rest, no one knows and I can't let anyone see."
He was unable to pull his eyes away from Ryoma's arms. He knew they were doing bad things - it was something that was making Ryoma go a little... crazy, and Momo never missed the slight wince Ryoma gave if he hit his arms on something. He wasn't allowed to show anyone... was it because the guards told him so? Momo wanted to see though - he wanted to see what exactly they were doing to his best friend. And he was going to find out before the afternoon was over. "No reason to apologize, silly," Momo quickly munched on another onigiri, making his grand total three, so far, and leaned back on his palms. "S'not your fault they did." Though, why did they take away everything fun of Ryoma's? He... was never going to figure out the minds of the guards.
Ryoma shrugged - he never could tell what was his fault and what wasn't anymore, between the forgetting and the illogical paths everyone seemed to follow around here. He tried to tread carefully, take quiet steps so no one would hear or mind, but no matter what precautions he seemed to take, someone always seemed to notice. And there was almost always something they didn't like. He wondered if the guards were unhappy with themselves, with something else, maybe that was why they took other people's things away. Who knew? Most of the things they'd taken hadn't started as Ryoma's, anyway - they were only his by default of roommate, but they'd felt like his - been more important than his - and he missed them. As much as he missed Niou.
"I hope they left everyone else's things," he said quietly, taking another small bite, then looking at the half-eaten onigiri, suddenly uninterested. He held it up for Momo to take. "Not hungry anymore. Here. Can't waste it." It would be a shame to waste it, food was important, Momo was right here, and he was important too.
Momo looked at the onigiri and back at Ryoma, before hesitantly reaching out and taking it. He was slowly losing his appetite, too, while talking about this, but... he needed to eat, even if the onigiri seemed like the most disgusting thing he's ever wanted to eat before. Nibbling at it a bit himself before putting it down, Momo straightened his back, not saying anything right away as he reached out to softly lay his hand on Ryoma's left arm. He was almost scared to see what was underneath the gauze... who knows what sort of state they would be in. They probably hurt, that much was obvious, but was it even worse than what Momo had thought it was?
His mind supplied him with all sorts of gruesome thoughts before he tossed them away with a shake of his head - he wouldn't start thinking about them until he could actually see for himself. "Echizen..." his request trailed off, not exactly sure how to ask this. He wasn't about to say, 'show me your arms so I can see!' That sounded too... eager. Swallowing a lump that suddenly formed in his throat, Momo managed, "Can I see...?" He knew Ryoma would first try to convince Momo he was fine - even if Ryoma was slowly losing it, he hadn't lost that part of his personality. But... Momo wasn't going to back down.
Watching Momo take a few halfhearted bites of the onigiri, Ryoma felt glad it was going to a good cause. But his stomach twisted when the other put the food down and took an interest in his arm, instead, fingering the gauze Ryoma had used to keep it covered and hidden, to try and keep everything he felt slowly leaking away inside. It hadn't been working very well, but maybe it helped a little. And it kept them padded. They were very sore and achy most of the time.
He felt his cheeks flush, wondered why something like that would happen, but didn't really want to look at Momo's face all of a sudden. He couldn't explain why. He didn't know how to explain that looking was a bad idea, too. Momo had sounded like he wasn't going to give up. "You don't want to," he finally said, not pulling his arm away, though he wanted to. "It's not nice an'... it's okay. I c'n take care of them. You don't have to worry." He smiled up at Momo, not feeling the smile reach past his face, but maybe the other wouldn't notice. "It's only there to keep things in."
Telling Momo not to worry about Ryoma was like telling Oishi not to worry about Eiji - there was no point because it was going to happen regardless. And, it would certainly make Momo worry even more than he already was if Ryoma refused to let him see his arms; and it was obvious that it wasn't one of Ryoma's top things to let happen. Momo appreciated Ryoma's attempt of a smile, though he knew it was... not a true one - and that just made Momo's stomach do a flipflop and lose his appetite completely. "I... know I don't have to worry, and I know that you can take care of them, but I want to see them, anyway." Momo fingered a piece of gauze that wasn't quite tucked into the rest, and met Ryoma's eyes; his best friend looked tired. "Please...?"
Ryoma frowned a little; nope, Momo wasn't going to back down, and Ryoma couldn't... really refuse. He didn't like them at all, not how they were now, but he was too tired to put up much of a fight over something like this. It seemed silly. Especially when Momo had the look in his eyes that he did now.
He let out the ghost of a sigh, glancing over at the wall, not wanting to see that look anymore. "You can f'you want. But I still don't recommend it." He shifted restlessly on the bed, but didn't pull his arm away; Momo already had a strip of gauze in his fingers, but as long as he didn't take it away with him when he was done, it'd be okay. He had to remind himself, though, that it was Momo's hands unwrapping the gauze. Momo wouldn't do anything to him. Momo wouldn't give him shots. Momo just... wanted to see.
It was easy to see that Ryoma really didn't think it was a good idea, even without hearing his remarks, but Momo wanted to - he wanted to see how much damage was actually being done. "I won't hurt you," Momo felt the need to say it as he gently tugged the loose piece free and ever so gently started to unwrap one of his arms. The powerhouse made sure to keep looking up at Ryoma's face to make sure that he really wasn't hurting his friend every few seconds. Ryoma seemed a little... flighty, and was still looking away, but Momo figured that he'd make a sound of protest if he accidentally hurt him.
A minute or two passed, Momo making sure to be as careful as he could be, and then he had the gauze off... and in a way he wished he had just listened to Ryoma. His arm was... skinny. Skinny, bruising, and Momo could clearly see a few scars on Ryoma's upper arms that must've been from some sort of needles constantly injected in the same spot over and over again. Momo could feel his eyes widen as he took it all in, and gingerly touched a few of the marks lightly with his index and middle finger, careful to apply no pressure. "Does... do they hurt?" His voice was a near whisper, and Momo realized that was such a stupid question, but he didn't know... what else to say. His stomach was doing flip flops, and if Momo had lost his appetite earlier, now, he definitely didn't want to eat now.
It was colder, now, since the layer between his skin and the air was gone, though Momo's fingers felt warm - hot - just below his shoulder. Ryoma tried to smile, shaking his head; "No, not so much, sometimes when they give me things, but it's not bad," he assured his friend. His arms had been feeling... strange, sore and numb, overused and detached all at once, for as long as he could remember, it seemed. Needles barely registered, only when they were quicker or rougher than normal did it even hurt anymore.
"I know they don't look... they're not pretty, but it's okay. They're just entryways, very important, an' I have to keep 'em... well, they're not so bad." Ryoma wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Momo or himself; he didn't like the way Momo was looking at him, but he didn't like the way his arms looked, either. They weren't the same, weren't how they used to be. They weren't even like his back. At least he never saw his back. And the doctors didn't use it, anyway. It was all the activity that made them sore, that was all.
Momo could barely register what Ryoma was saying to him as he continued to look at Ryoma's arms, examining them, and trying really hard not to think about what all they do to him on a daily basis. He had his suspicions about some sort of needles, but... it was worse than he thought they were. The bruises and the fact that his arm was nothing more than a twig got to Momo the most, though. Ryoma had never been the most built person around, at least compared to Momo, but to see him in a state where it looked like he hadn't eaten anything in a few months... it was shocking. The gauze marks around his arms from where it had been wrapped tightly almost made the whole scene worse, even though it had probably actually been helpful for Ryoma.
"I..." His stomach did another flip flop and Momo felt tears springing to his eyes. It wasn't fair for Ryoma to have to deal with that - to be abused like that. Momo wasn't the type to wish he could take on everyone else's pain instead, but... why did it have to be Ryoma, of all people? Just because his power was useful? They could use him to their advantage? It was cruel, it was painful... no one deserved to be treated like that. "T-This is..." He couldn't even finish a sentence, and Momo felt a couple hot tears escape his eyes and run down his cheek. It was the first time anyone had seen him cry in a long time. Momo brought the back of his hand up to try to shelter his eyes, but it was still obvious. He wasn't making any noise, but his nose was almost instantly stuffed, and the tears were continuing to drip down his face, one at a time, and splash on his pants.
Ryoma's smile faded immediately, as he saw the saltwater begin to trail down his cheeks. "No - no, don't, it's not... " Somehow the pit of his stomach hurt when Momo looked like this, and it wasn't... Ryoma's face felt hot again, ashamed - ashamed of they way he looked, and ashamed that it was making Momo cry. Momo looked much better happy, with that goofy grin on his face, his fingers running through Ryoma's hair and his eyes crinkled in laughter. Not like this, not trying to hide away and not with tears spattering his lap. It wasn't fair - it wasn't fair for Momo to hurt like this, either. Not for the first time, anger flared at the guards, at the world, at what was happening. There'd been nothing wrong with the way things used to be. Then they had to go and get messed up. Ryoma hated it.
He reached up, trying to move Momo's hand, trying to wipe at his eyes, though his fingers, for all they were dry, were not very absorbent. "You don't have to. It's not so bad." Ryoma kept them busy, kept them away from his friends as much as he could, though he was frighteningly forgetful of too much at times. He'd rather watch the guards, though, than watch them do things to his friends. They were where he wanted them - eyes on him. It was okay. Momo shouldn't cry.
He didn't want to look Ryoma in the eye. Momo never had a problem with crying in front of people he knew - especially not his best friends - but... it was the reason of his tears that made it difficult. He knew he didn't have to, but it wasn't like it was something he had planned - they had just slipped out without his permission. He didn't want to look at Ryoma's arms, though, either; the fact that he knew exactly why they had become like that... the reason behind the bruising and the mini scars. Ryoma may not have thought they were that bad, but in Momo's opinion, it was one of the worst things he had ever seen before. Now he knew why Ryoma kept them constantly wrapped up in gauze.
The feeling of Ryoma's fingers trying, clumsily, to wipe the tears, and the fact that he was failing as more of them trailed down Momo's cheeks were comforting - but, he didn't want to make Ryoma feel guilty. "I know I don't, but..." Momo tried calming himself, it wouldn't be worth it to get himself all worked up. "I-I'm sorry. I don't mean to." The powerhouse brought his forearm up, accidentally knocking away Ryoma's own hands as Momo tried to stop crying.
Ryoma frowned. He couldn't do anything - nothing, there was no way he could help and he felt his own set of saltwater trying to escape, but he couldn't do it. It was unfair that Momo had to cry, Ryoma couldn't join him, he knew that'd just make it worse. He looked down at his own hands as Momo pushed them out of the way, covering his face, and Ryoma thought that his fingers really did look very useless. Not like they were his. Nothing he did was his anymore, it felt like. There were only shadows of what used to be his, and he could barely remember them.
But he had to do something - he couldn't just sit here and watch Momo cry because it wasn't Momo's place, it wasn't his responsibility. Ryoma would carry it, it would be okay. One was better than many. He glanced around, trying to find something to help, his eyes eventually landing upon the small pile of clean clothing he'd been given this morning; he slid off the bed, pulling a t-shirt off the pile and holding it up to Momo, still worried, still wanting him to stop. "Here - use this. You don't have to... I know you didn't mean to but neither did I. You... shouldn't have to for me." He bit his lip, hating the way the droplets rolled down Momo's cheeks. "Please. Don't."
Reaching out a hand, Momo took the t-shirt gratefully, wiping away the tears from his eyes with it, though he was sure they weren't about to stop that quickly. He would try, though - it was obvious that Ryoma didn't want to see his friend cry anymore. But, it was like everything was coming out from him now; the pressure Momo only placed on himself trying to keep strong for everyone else around him - to try to remain hope that everything would turn out all right in the end even if it seemed unlikely from the current standpoint. He had made promises to people that he didn't dare break. But, it was hard to pretend like everything was a-okay when Momo felt like the whole world was falling down around him.
This did nothing but just make Momo cry harder thinking about, reaching blindly through his tears until he had his arms securely around Ryoma, pulling him to his chest and letting the t-shirt lay, forgotten, on the bed. "I'm okay - I'll stop soon. Just..." He was careful of Ryoma's arms, still - he didn't want to cause any unnecessary pain. He just... he needed a reminder that Ryoma was right in front of him and not going anywhere far; he could still feel the other breathing against his chest which meant he was still alive. A little bruised, a little scarred, and a little crazy, but... he was still Ryoma. Still Momo's best friend. That wasn't going to change. Time would run out soon, as it never did seem long enough, and Momo would have to go back to his own empty room, but for now... he needed this; and Ryoma probably did, too.
Ryoma didn't expect the hug; he was suddenly all-but-crushed against Momo's chest, but he realized he didn't mind, it was nice, he... he missed it. He could remember being held, like it was really one of his memories, and though the arms he remembered were different, this was.... this felt better than being alone. This felt like it might hold something in, just for a little while, and it felt like... it felt like what he'd wanted for a long time. He pressed his nose against Momo's chest, breathing in the way that Momo smelled, because he smelled like something, not the nothing that the rest of this place didn't smell like. He squeezed his eyes shut, because he didn't want any of his own tears to come out. Momo's were more than enough.
Ryoma didn't want to move, didn't want to move until Momo decided he was okay, until it was enough for Momo, because Ryoma'd never get enough, but he could get enough for now, because everything had to end with the way things were now. But that was okay. Had to be okay. Because they'd start again. As soon as he could do whatever he needed to do.
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